He's ticking down the MLC checklist

[HalfMissing]

BPretty,
I feel I have to respond to you as my situation was so similar to yours. I met my exhusband at the age of 19 when in college. We married at 22 and were married for 21 years. He sounds so similar to your ex. We called him "the vulcan" since he expressed no emotions or feelings. I didn't know any better and just thought all men were like that. He left me for a woman he met online.

I believe my exhusband has either schizoid personality disorder or aspergers based on the diagnosis of his counselor. Normal men do NOT act like this. My ex has the maturity of a 15 year old and used passive agressive behavior like sexual withholding to punish me for not making him happy.

There is nothing you are doing to cause him to act this way. These men are just broken and you can't fix them. I encourage you to try to do what you can to fix your marriage but to keep in mind that it is probably out of your hands. Some of these men just should not be in relationships. I did all the work in the marriage and he acted like a teenager all those years, just as your husband has done. Like you, my life revolved around him and the children. Now is the time to think about yourself.

I don't know how much control you have over finances but this is the time to keep an eye out for things. I found that my ex had been secretly sending money to his online love. You need to make sure that you protect yourself and your children.

I also want to encourage you to think about if you really want to continue in a relationship with someone with this type of personality. I did not think I could live without my ex, but now I am in a new relationship and it is so different. Ask yourself if someone can really be in a relationship if they can't relate? My new boyfriend talks to me. He shares his emotions and feelings and initiates activities. It is so wonderful after so many years of being alone while in a relationship and not realizing it. My New Guy and I have been dating for 18 months and this is how a relationship is supposed to be.

I wish you luck in saving your marriage but please realize that no matter what happens you can get through it and no matter what you can make a better life for yourself. Despite what your ex says, you did not cause this. He is responsible for making himself happy. Focus on yourself and your children while keeping the door open.