He knows all of that. You would not be telling him anything new and like I said why do you want to come off as needy?
You need to keep yourself busy and not think about him all the time. I know that was very difficult for me. I was in such a state last year for about 4 months, he was all I thought about. I don't know how on earth I was functioning.
He has to go through the school of hard knocks to see what he is missing. Be the better option, because that is all you can be right now.
kat
Me-53(and learning!) S24, S21, D18, D17 Just keep swimming, Just keep swimming. Dory
Thanks, Kat, Pup, and all. I like that Kat -- he has to go through the school of hard knocks. Soooooo true. I have truly made it easy for this man in our R. As you can tell I've been the R fixer. I think this is the school of hard knocks for me too.
Writing on this site helped me out because believe me I would have had that convo with my H today and it would have been the same old response, "I miss you too. Vic I know I know. Look I'm busy right now I will call." Yea, that would have been it. So thank you guys MUUUUCCCCHHHHHH!!!
I went to the gym, took a break and avoided this backslide.
Thanks again and I feel better now. I think that feeling as past. I hope. If not I will be back on tonigt.
How long does DB take again??? Is there a fast-pass like Disney World?
Don't I wish!! My marriage didn't make it but I didn't find this site until he had already filed and had been out of the house for over a year.
I know I have saved myself and hopefully my kids from a lot of extra heartache that I would have had if I hadn't come here. I was already in individual counseling and that was helping but I felt pretty alone. While it is hard to see so many others face the same stuff, it does help to not have to go it alone.
I also think because I self evaluated a lot, I will do better the next time around.
Stay strong.
kat
Me-53(and learning!) S24, S21, D18, D17 Just keep swimming, Just keep swimming. Dory
Try something different. Don't pursue at all!! Not one bit unless its an emergency. It hasn't done you one bit of good so far and he did notice when you pulled away.
Me: 46 FWS: 36 Married and Divorced 4/07, Pregnant 7/07,False R 7/07 Baby Girl born 3/08 Kicked him out because OW: 7/08 5/10 He realized what he had and lost. Moved home! REMARRIED 3/14/11!!
Ok, I made it through yesterday without calling him. Thanks again. I think I haven't shown signs of pursuit for days now, maybe weeks. He is noticing and he actually isn't pursuing me either, which hurts. It's hard that I know in my heart I need to pull back and let my H see what it's like without Vic since he got to totally taking me for granted. I just keep praying to God for strenght and to make a change in me as well as in him.
Yes, my pursuing, begging did nothing for me, and I did plenty of that over these years. Definitely need to do this. I sometimes get so scared of my own weakness for this man.
I think the "give-up" blues is circulating today. I'm reading so many posts with people feeling like its all a waste of time. I'm there with all of you. Last night my MIL told me that H went by with his "family" on Saturday, OW's daughter and his son. It all just made me so mad and really hurt again. He has totally moved on with his family. I then I feel like doing the math, it's me alone and with OW there are three people, which includes his blood - his son. I'm am truly just wasting my time. I really can't believe that this is where we have come after 15 years. Sometimes I laugh that when I met H, OW was 9 years old. Who would have thought this 9yo would have come and broke us up. I know ending us was H's decision but I also know OW played a big part.
Again this morning I was thankful for the people on this board that made me not call H earlier this week. I would have totally regretted that. Obviously I am running after a man that doesn't want to be with me. I feel like such a fool. In my own depressed state I sometimes feel like OW and her friends must be laughing at me. There is my H doing so much for her, loving her and her children and there I am like the fool running after him.
Anyway, since the runaway blues is circulating I wanted to share the daily motivation I got today via email. It gave me some encourgement and I hope it does the same for someone else today.
There's Nothing too Hard for Him Today's Scripture "Is any thing too hard for the LORD?..." (Genesis 18:14, KJV). Today's Word from Joel and Victoria In Genesis, God promised Sarah that she was going to have a child. At first she didn’t believe it. She thought she was too old. She thought her time had passed. But do you know what God said to her? He simply asked, “Sarah, is there anything too hard for the Lord?” I believe God is saying the same thing to us today. “Is there anything too hard for Me?” Do you think your dreams are too big for God to bring to pass? Do you think that a relationship is too far gone for God to restore it? Do you think you have to just live with sickness the rest of your life? Get a new vision today because there is nothing too hard for God! God is saying today, “I am all-powerful. I can turn any situation around.” It doesn’t matter what things look like in the natural, we serve a supernatural God. The Amplified version puts it this way, “Is there anything too wonderful for the Lord?” The next time you think, “That’s just too good to be true,” remember, God wants to bless you beyond your wildest dreams. Take the limits off and dare to believe that He has wonderful things in store for you! A Prayer for Today Heavenly Father, I choose to trust You with my whole heart. I know there is nothing too hard for You. Help me to stand strong in faith and keep me close to You all the days of my life. In Jesus’ Name. Amen.
Ok, need your opinion here. I never know what is right to do anymore. So I have two jobs around the house that I need done: fix a cable line and put up an LCD TV on the wall and to assemble a cabinet shelf. H is very handy and he normally does these things for around the house. Should I ask him?
My mom and friend thinks that I should ask him to do them still since he has all the time to run around with OW and I shouldn't worry about getting him to do this for me. My mom's opinion is that I am still his wife and at some point he will need me and that even if something should happen to him I would be the one that would have to take care of him. I did mention to H about the cable and he said he would take care of it for me. No date given but that's usually him. My alternative is to get the cable company to come out and I would have to pay them and I would then have to get my contractor who I would have to tip.
So should I get H? On my hand, I feel like why should I have to put out $$ when his butt is there and I have done plenty for him and he worked out on me. Then on the other hand I don't want to come across needy. Opinions please!! Thanks.
We haven't chatted before but just came across your question.
My opinion, for what it's worth, is that if you have asked him and he hasn't done it, then have it done yourself with cable guy or whoever. Ask around for a handyman in the neighborhood that might be able to do both jobs for you.
I think that if your H has not done it already, it usually means he doesn't want to do it but because maybe he is passive agressive, he won't come right out and say so. Also, if you ask him again, it will come across as 'nagging' again.
So show him that you don't need him for everything. That you are a strong, independent woman who can get things done. The more you show that you don't 'need' him, the more it will get his attention now, I think. But this is only one woman's opinion. Good luck!
Me:39 H:40 S:9 D:7 First Bomb ONS:June 07 Second Bomb OW: March 08 Separated: March 08 M:15 yrs T:18 yrs H deep into A with OW Achieved ACCEPTANCE May 30, 09
Thanks PM. Look forward to chatting with you more.
Just to clarify I mentioned it to H on Thurs. and what I do know about him is it takes forever to get around to things and with this one I think it is just his usual not getting to it yet. So I'm not so worried about him not responding yet b/c that's his usually method. Eg. for fours weeks or more the bells at our investment property wasn't working. He kept getting to it but never did. I got tired of the complaints so I got the electrician to fix it.
If I ask again I would get a date and I guess if he doesn't come through then I would go get my stuff done otherwise. Is that a good plan. But I'm unsure if I even should have asked in the first place.
I think you did fine. I agree with PM, but if you just asked him Thursday I would give him a week or 2 to allow him time to do it. Then if he doesn't, I think you should just call the cable company. Maybe next time you could ask if he wanted to fix it or have you call someone which he prefers? I do think trying to be independent is very important, but sometimes if $$ is tight, that might be a consideration too. Karen
