You and your wife separated independently without papers being filed. You are both living your own lives. Is she living with another man.. platonically.. otherwise?
The OW you refer to is your girlfriend? Calling her your girlfriend would be easier.. unless you were having an emotional and/or physical affair during your marriage.
Sometimes what you want and what you get are two different things.
Have papers been filed and are you in the process of getting divorced? Once the papers are filed, you are considered to be legally separated. Up until that time, the law sees you as married even if you and your spouse agreed upon the separation.
Your daughter's mom will always be first. That is a given. At Abby's age, she probably would not even know the exact date of her mother's birthday. It's a lot for a little girl to process and of course she'd feel rejected and unsettled.
If you were to have a long term commitment to your girlfriend, she would be an integral part of your daughter's life, creating a second family. At Abby's age, your girlfriend would become a second mom.
What you want and what you get are two completely different things. It isn't what you want.. it's what is best for your little girl during this difficult time. Seeing you with a woman other than mommy on mommy's birthday could cause any kid to fritz out.
You are package deal.. you and your Abby. Personally, I think your girlfriend did the right thing by leaving. She maintained her boundaries, did what was best for you daughter and gave you two breathing room.
There will be other dinners, other fun times with the three of you. Just remember that Abby needs lots of love and caring.. knowing that she always has her daddy.
One more question... how are you processing your wife's departure? Is your girlfriend a positive distraction? Everyone has to deal with the emotional fallout of a relationship disintergrating. Sooner is always better than later.
