WAW - Very confused and devestated - pt 5

[confusedinpa]

It was a good day yesterday.

I had a good session with my therapist to work through some more of my issues. I know we probably spent more time talking about my wife that I should have. I used it to get my therapists/our counselor's perspective on how our counseling session had went on Monday. I wanted to make sure I had picked up the important things that had come out of there so I can keep my 180 in line.

I left work a little early to go to the gym. It was a good thing since my wife wound up emailing me while I was at the gym. She was complaining/venting about her neck hurting (it had been bothering her for some time). My blackberry was in my locker so I didn't email her back until an hour later. I emailed to express that I cared and was concerned - but didn't offer any solutions (i.e. massage, etc.) like I had in the past. She responded in an email right away complaining/venting more about her neck.

Since I had started driving at that point, I called her - I'm trying to follow DB'ing but didn't want to wreck my truck. She vented/complained some more about her neck and how she couldn't get a chiropractor appointment. I empathized. I did bring up how I had thought her neck/back was bothering her when she laid down in front of me Tuesday nite when I was reading to the kids that I thought she had wanted a backrub. I told her since she didn't ask/say anything, I wasn't sure so I kept reading with my kids.

She said that she needed something at that time and I could have given her a backrub if I wanted to. I told her next time she should just ask. I didn't get into the whole mind reading thing - thought that was best to be done in person. She said she could really use one tonite.

She then said that she was trying to leave work so she would call me right back. I told her she could if she wanted to or we could just talk at home.

She did call me to say that she really needed some relief. Since her friend's daughter was a massuese, she asked if it was alright to call her to find out if she could work out her neck (I'm pretty good massaging back/legs/feet/arms, but lousy with necks). She said that when she dropped off our youngest and she could start dinner if I needed her to. I told her to just go take care of her neck and I'll worry about dinner for me and the boys.

I got home with my oldest and helped him get his homework done. She pulled into the garage as I was taking something out into the garage. She stepped out of the car and was wearing an outfit that I thought looked very hot. I let out a wow. She just smiled and gave me a hug and kiss on the check. I got our youngest out of her car and we went inside.

When we were inside, I told her she looked really nice in that outfit (it's part of my 180 as she felt I never noticed nor gave her any compliments). I asked if it was a new outfit. She said she had worn it a few times before but she said I never seemed to notice or at least say anything. She said she had worn it when we went down to South Carolina for my friend's wedding last year.

That was something she had raised as an issue in the past - where we went down to the wedding and she wore very sexy outfits. She felt that I hadn't paid any attention to her nor cared whether she was there or not. I didn't argue that as soon as we had checked into the hotel room we were intimate, but figure that wasn't going to get me anywhere.

I told her I had noticed when she wore it to the wedding, but in the past I would just say wow and smile in my head. I know that really didn't do her any good as she didn't know it. But that was then, this is now.

She asked again if I needed her to start dinner for me and the boys. I told her that I'll take care of it and would most likely take the boys to a pizza shop that me and the boys liked. She had gotten sick of it as, I didn't realize it, we went there almost every Friday for 3-4 years. We hadn't gone back there with her since she dropped the bomb. Me and the boys like it because the owner really is kids friendly and treats us well. Another bonus is that the girls that work there look like they could work at Hooters, and dress like it, especially during the summer (maybe that's why she didn't like it).

I might have crossed the line when I asked how long the massage would take. She said it would be between 1 to 1.5 hours. She seemed a little urked by it, but whatever. I just wanted to know so I could plan my evening.

Me and the boys had a great dinner, the owner and girls that work there were really glad to see us again. We got home and I gave the kids a bath. We skipped reading as each of the boys wanted to watch a different video (as would be expected with a 4 year difference between the boys). I played with each individually while the other watched their show.

I put them to bed a little after 8:30. My 7 year old's comment about how I am acting differently was still weighing on me so I started to feel a little sad/anxious. I wound up doing some stuff not related to our situation and I wound up relaxing watching one of my shows that she didn't like (The Unit).

She didn't get home till almost 9:30. I did get a little anxious around 9, but re-read some of my thread which got me relaxed/focused again. When she got home, I was doing something in the kitchen. She smiled at me and I asked how did it go. She said her neck felt so much better and her whole body was relaxed.

She mentioned that she had wished that we had chairs to sit outside with as she thought the fresh air felt good tonite. I thought it was a little windy, but told her that I had pulled our patio chairs out of the garage last weekend. She asked if I wanted to sit out on the patio for a bit. I told her sure and asked if she wanted a drink. I put a sweatshirt on, grabbed a couple of beers for us and set up the chairs outside.

She came out and we talked about her massage for a little while until the wind picked up too much. She told me about how the massage was in the girl's house and the massage table was setup up in one of the bedrooms. She told me that during the massage all she had on was her thong. We joked about her being in another girl's bedroom essentially naked. I didn't really press this line of joking as she had raised in the past that it made her feel uncomfortable/cheap when I talked about her underwear (or lack there of).

It got cold and we decided to go inside. We sat on the love seat to finish our beer. I noticed she was still cold so I asked her if she wanted me to warm her up. She shifted so she could lean against me as I hugged her. It was nice as we talked and drank our beer. After a few minutes, she wound up resting her knee on top my mine as she was sitting indian style.

Her foot was also resting against mine. I caressed her foot/leg lightly. She moved it slightly so I took that as a cue to stop. She told me that she was just shifting/get more comfortable and it was ok to keep caressing her feet/leg as it felt good. She wound up resting her legs on my lap as we talked. I did stop after a few bit as I didn't want it to be too much.

She told me that her mom can watch the kids this weekend so we could go out. Very confusing considering what she said last weekend.... I asked her if she could wear the outfit that she had on today. She smiled and said she would if that's what I wanted. I just smiled and said yes.

We talked until it was after 10:30 - very late for her as she normally goes to bed at 9:30 - and I could tell she was getting tired. I got up and said it looked like she was getting tired and thought she wanted to go to bed. She agreed and went to the kitchen to get a glass of water. As she was about to go upstairs, we hugged and kissed on the check again.

We got ready for bed together in our bathroom. She said good nite as she went to the spare bedroom.

I stayed up to watch television until about 11:30 and went to bed.

It was a good nite.