Over the Shock - Detaching and GALing

[Thinker]

I'm worried about my W. Things have been pleasant but distant between us for the past week or so. No R discussions, no arguments -- in fact, almost no discussions at all. We cooperate regarding the kids and then do our own stuff. Recently it has seemed like the more detached I have become, the more distant and withdrawn she has become.

But I can tell that she is going through a tremendous amount of stress (which I have talked about in previous posts) and it is really getting to her. She is tall, thin and athletic and has never had any weight to lose - but still has recently lost a LOT of weight. She doesn't seem to be eating much, seems to be tired and / or cold a lot and her immune system doesn't seem to be very strong. Years ago (well before we met) she suffered from anorexia, and I think it is back.

Even with the M problems we have been having and my feeling detached, she is still a friend and the mother of my children and I care a tremendous amount for her welfare. I am worried enough about her that this is a much bigger concern to me than where the R is going.

I know I can't help her (convince her to eat more, etc) - that would just be codependent and bad for both of us. She is seeing a IC, but I know she would deny and avoid the subject if possible and I think that he is too passive to force her to talk about it.

I am worried and want to help her, but am afraid that too much attention from me right now would only make things worse.

I am wondering -- do I should sit her down and confront her with it? Tell her I am worried about her health? Ask her as a friend to go see a medical doctor? Request a joint C session with her just to discuss it?