Wow, he hits you with so many bullets! I'm really sorry.
Do you see anyone about this? A counsellor or anyone. You shouldn't have to shoulder the burden yourself, although you are doing such a great job at being strong and coping. It must be exhausting! In terms of practical advice have you thought about a DBing coaching session, although I know they are really expensive. The only way I can afford them was when the pound was so strong against the dollar - they were half price nearly for me.
