I listened to that song and closed my eyes, and really listened. If this is how you feel, you are not ready to quit by a long shot. You still have feelings for him and you still want to reach him.
Am I way off here?
(( j ))
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
I posted that song for 2 reasons...one is that I thought a lot of people would relate to it, and two, because I wonder...HOW FAR do I have to go for him to even hear me. But I don't think it matters. He's deaf. Something's missing...in him. I know what you're thinking about that song, she says I want to make it work so much it hurts..or something like that...but that was a line I thought...nope.
This song is really more accurate for me...especially him yelling at her in the kitchen and then cuddling her when he's done.
...but you know, if THIS is how you really feel...then it goes back to the point about if/when you'll "hear" the permission, and what that would sound/feel like to you. Could be, you already have it.
((( j )))
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
(((j))) You know...what I'm finding out is it isn't about what permission sounds like. It's about learning I don't need anyone else's permission.
(((Melissa))) Fairhope would be awesome. I miss the coast like crazy. I watched the movie Heaven's Prisoners Sat afternoon (on cable)..it's an oldie but it's great, it is all shot in New Orleans and Natchez, etc. I love it. Great crime drama, btw.
Actually I had a great day today. Had some interesting prospects concerning my professional future and starting my own business. I am very happy. Things were just falling into place. I was so scared to take any steps, but I did it, and wow..."leap and the net will appear."
I'm glad you are having some good business prospects. That always makes things nicer.
Keep up the DBing. You are excellent at it. You have great advice. Now just apply it.
You can do it. It just may take longer than you want. But in the end, you never know, it may be worth it.
Trying to think positive.
Kevin
Me 36, W 37 M: 08/02/97 D13, D9 1st Bomb 02/08 Reconciled 04/08 2nd Bomb: 09/08 W filed for D 02/04/09 Separated 03/09 D dismissed 06/09/09 Still separated...
You're moving the right direction. Keep up the movement. hugs
M 19 years, MC for 8 months, DB'd for 8 months 4 kids; 18, 15, 14, & 10 I was never meant to be a doormat. It took me years of therapy to become assertive enough to stop his abuse.
I had Al Anon today and it was good. It's always good.
I have been feeling positive lately anyway since I have some things going on business wise, and I am starting to feel like the person I once was. Today we talked a lot about making the decision to turn our lives over to God, as we understand him. It was an interesting topic. Before all this, I thought I understood God. lol. Now I am beginning to have a much more personal understanding of God, that isn't based on others' expectations of me.
I used to to get so upset I couldn't even pray the Serenity Prayer out loud because I couldn't get through the first part without crying...to accept the things I cannot change...because the things I cannot change were crushing me. I'm beginning to realize that I've had a lot of things backwards about what things I can change and what I can't...which is why the end says, "and the wisdom to know the difference."
Also...reading other people's posts has had something swirling in my mind that came to the fore today. Especially STTRF (hugs if you're reading)...and the comments from people saying I WON'T ABANDON HIM. I've had that for a battle cry more than once in my life. Ugh. Lovers, friends...anyone who needs me.
For once I am going to say I AM NOT GOING TO ABANDON ME!!
Good job Girlie ! You should be proud of yourself. Save yourself first. Then you can save your kids.
Hugs
M 19 years, MC for 8 months, DB'd for 8 months 4 kids; 18, 15, 14, & 10 I was never meant to be a doormat. It took me years of therapy to become assertive enough to stop his abuse.
I had Al Anon today and it was good. It's always good.
Before all this, I thought I understood God. lol. Now I am beginning to have a much more personal understanding of God, that isn't based on others' expectations of me. ... "and the wisdom to know the difference."
Also people saying I WON'T ABANDON HIM. I've had that for a battle cry more than once in my life. Ugh. Lovers, friends...anyone who needs me.
For once I am going to say I AM NOT GOING TO ABANDON ME!!
BREAKAWAY....AMEN!! ((( j )))
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
