I think you're doing awesome. It's funny how they actually become uglier like their personalities. For my W, when we were separated, she developed really bad acne, lost a ton of weight and dry hair.
And then we ask them if they are okay and they tell us that it's from the stress of the sitch. Well hello? Who put us in the sitch in the first place? Sometimes it's so laughable if it wasn't so sad.
I can see you going back to the strong, positive girl you probably were before you got married. I think he wanted to see the paperwork because he was having flash second thoughts. Well his L has them, so he could always stop them if he wanted to. You gave him what he wanted, let him deal with the consequences.
I am very proud of you.
M-43 W-40 2D - 9 and 5
Emotion, yet peace. Ignorance, yet knowledge. Passion, yet serenity. Chaos, yet harmony. Death, yet a new life.
I think you're doing awesome. It's funny how they actually become uglier like their personalities. For my W, when we were separated, she developed really bad acne, lost a ton of weight and dry hair.
Thanks Stuck! That made me crack up ( i had to laugh at the bad acne and dry hair..lol) My H has started gaining weight, and he has gotten alot of acne too come to think of it! That is because I used to be his personal Esthetician (skin care specialist) and he doesn't get that luxury anymore!
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And then we ask them if they are okay and they tell us that it's from the stress of the sitch. Well hello? Who put us in the sitch in the first place? Sometimes it's so laughable if it wasn't so sad.
I know!! SO many times I want to say that to him but I just bite my tongue. He thought he was so unhappy with me, and now he looks more unhappy then I have ever seen him before since he has moved out. I just sort rolled my eyes on that one
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I can see you going back to the strong, positive girl you probably were before you got married. I think he wanted to see the paperwork because he was having flash second thoughts. Well his L has them, so he could always stop them if he wanted to. You gave him what he wanted, let him deal with the consequences.
I am very proud of you.
Well I am happy to hear this. I have been working hard..and its funny- a few months ago I thought I would just die and now I see that I will survive. Funny how time changes things.
I am thinking the same thing about the papers too. Why does he always let his pride get in the way? I didnt tell him yet that I mailed them in today. That will be interesting when I do!
I don't think it's necessarily pride. I think it's all their confusion. The way he is contradicting himself in the way he acts. My W does it all the time. She's home but says we're separated, gets mad for no reason at all, although I believe she's going through a tough MLC.
How the hell did we end up with people like this is beyond me!
M-43 W-40 2D - 9 and 5
Emotion, yet peace. Ignorance, yet knowledge. Passion, yet serenity. Chaos, yet harmony. Death, yet a new life.
I wanted to pop by and say hello! I've been out of town for a while. I'm glad you have made the right decision for yourself. You sound good and confident with your decision. I like your attitude of focusing on the good parts of your life and not letting your M pull you down. I have also been doing this and it feels great!
How do you what date your D is happening? Is that your trial date? I am still waiting to be served (H filed in TX also). I am deploying for 12 mos in June and trying to figure out the timeline in TX...
I'll be following along with ya :-)
Me:28, first M H: 33, second M Married: 08/08 Bomb: 10/08 H filed D and deployed: 12/08 Served: 04/09 I deploy: 07/09 Hearing date: 08/09
Hey Fit, Thank you for the kind words, I am glad that you are doing ok too! Very glad to hear it
I don't know my exact court date yet (just the month), but once you are either served papers, OR sign papers and send them into the L, they then schedule your D for 60 days after that. So, I calculate that to sometime in June. I am not sure when I will find out, but I am sure it will be soon.
Ive been doing lots of nice stuff for myself lately and I am feeling really good about everything.
H has finally paid off ALL of my debt (besides my car payment) which means at the very least I will start my new life debt free!
Also, he is letting me stay in the house until I am financially able to afford my own place (its in the agreement) because that will take a few months...so no need for me to panic about finding a place for a little while. He is getting awarded the house in case you are wondering. He has the financial means to keep it, I do not.
So I am holding up well. I havent had any communication with H except for some texts back and forth about the bills today. Straight and to the point. He has backed off alot since I put my foot down about his booty calls and constantly asking me out to eat only to remind me that he still wants a D "its just eating out"
So we don't do anything together anymore. I feel ok about it. I do better when he isn't around anyway. When he comes around and leaves again, that is hard. He needs to feel what being D is like anyway and I wasn't doing a good job of showing that to him.
Hope everyone has a great weekend and I will update if anything happens!
Just noticed in your sig that you commented about how your husband filed for divorce 2 weeks after the bomb.
Don't feel so bad about it, I got the bomb and the filing on the same day! That was right after my wife and I had lunch together. She even text me afterwards that she felt so much better after the lunch and appreciated me being there for her.
Talk about feeling like a real dumb a** when she dropped the bomb later that day!
I am doing much better and have learned so much the 9 weeks since the bomb.
I'm understanding more and more of what everyone here has been telling me. I'm still hopeful for my situation (you can read about the latest if you get a chance) but finally reached a point that I will still be able to be happy if the divorce still goes through. It took a lot of people from here, counseling, tears and tissues for me to get to this point. I'm still early in my journey but didn't even think I would get to this point emotionally and mentally.
I am encouraged in reading how strong you have made it.
Take care and keep your head up! You will make it!
Me 41 WAW 36 S 3&7 M 10 yrs W files D 1/9/09 W moves out 4/18 Lost job 6/15 New job 7/27 Disc PA 8/10 (started Nov 2008!) Confronted 8/11 Admits PA & appologies for hurt 9/11 Lost Job 11/13
Bomb and filing on the same day- talk about insensitive right?? With me I actually saw the email from my H's lawyer confirming their appointment about 2 weeks before the bomb and when I asked him about it he said it was something about his dads estate..so I let it go. Of course, because I didnt suspect that anythign was wrong and I certainly would have never dreamed that he was seeing a divorce lawyer. Its strange looking back. It is easy to ask yourself "how did I miss that?"
I am glad to hear you are making such good progress and I hope it continues for you. 6 months into this and I am just now getting it!
Thanks for the advice and encouragement! I will stop by your sitch
