FLTC, I'm not gonna pretend I've been in your position because I haven't. But I do know how hard it was to get through the negotiation process with a spouse who was actually on the same page as me, you unfortunately do not have that. We both kept in mind that the kids came first. I also know that in all liklihood it would be better for me if I never had to talk to the woman again. Sure, I could say "we discuss children and finances and that's it" but I also know that it's best for my kids to see two people working together as best they can and trying to be adults. My kids beam when they have dinner with mom and dad, when we celebrate special occassions TOGETHER. That means something to them. Yup, it's damn harder for me but I'm willing to do it, for them. I cringe when I read you saying you don't think you'll ever be able to speak to this woman again. Well, you have to because you have children to raise together. Feel your anger, vent your pain and stand up for what is fair but keep in mind you must do whatever you can to make decisions that will work for your kids, whatever those may be. Make good decisions FLTC, if you do right by this you will be a better man in the long run! She'll have to deal with her own conscience and, trust me, it will be better to be you than her in the long run! Take care...take deep breaths, you can do this!
I should hate my ex. But he does love my kids and they love him. He's going to be at all their life events and I want my kids to be happy despite the stupidity of their parents. They graduated from high school last June and it's so wonderful to see them happy despite both of their parents attending. My sons came up to me and asked me if they could go to lunch with X and his parents after the ceremony. I told them of course - go. Hey, getting a smile, a double kiss on my cheeks, and the sheer look of happiness is worth it.
Later on that night, they told me that they wished they'd gone with us instead because the grandparents took them to a fancy place that didn't give them enough food!
Two weeks ago, one of them had his wisdom teeth removed (I hope THAT works!) and both X and I went with him. We chat and don't hate one another. I know what he did and he knows, so why worry about small stuff.
Now, on the other hand, make sure you protect your future and don't give it away. I don't think I could be cordial to my X if I was living in poverty while he lived the high life. But If I were it would be because I allowed myself to be taken advantage of.
Hi FLTC I hate to be a pain but can i just hijack for a sec Happy!!!! miss you, are you on FB? if so please look me up, we're all over there. We miss you!
Sorry and Thank you FLTC! XX
Be Happy for this Moment, This Moment is your Life
I have asked my attorney to freeze STBX's 112K bank account, and allow me to access those "marital assets to pay for D18s school and medical expenses. I am most likely going to go to litigation. This woman needs to be taken on HEAD ON. She will never be reasonable NEVER. When I asked to do a collaborative divorce, she once stated "I'm not going to abdicate ANY of my rights" Okey dokey.......... Apparently even the mediator referred to her as a crazy person to my attorney's paralegal. (Don't ask me why she shared that, but she did)
FLTC, some people have to resort to ANGER just to get through this, as long as you're the enemy your STBX doesn't have to deal with her other feelings, so she'll keep you as the bad guy. So do what you have to do but don't let her drag you down with her. Stay the decent guy that I know you are, for yourself and your kids!
wii, Gym Lady is absolutely great! It's unbelievable what a "normal" woman is like. It's going very well, and she feels exactly like I do, which is great.
Now the "UH-OH" Portion of the post: My attorney wants to depose both STBX and "Smarmyscumbaglawyerbossparamourpieceofsh*t". I will need to be present.
He thinks that this may make her more reasonable in her demands, but it will be tough because I'll have to be in the courtroom. Part of me thinks that the ONLY way to begin to make her reasonable is to take her on head on, which I have NEVER done. The attorney thinks if the judge hears how she was carrying on while I was in Iraq, the Jeep, the basement, etc. that the judge may award her less or NO alimony. We'll see.
I have not shared with my attorney my trying to "permanently check out" on prescrip meds back in 06. If he moves forward with this, I would imagine I'll have to share this with him. I can see Gym Lady being subpoenaed at some point and having THAT come out, although I was already in mediation when I started seeing her, so it may not be relevent, but my bit*h of a STBX may really want to go to war.
When is a good time to tell your current love interest that you tried to check out becaue of the misery your former spouse caused you? As one poster onece told me "tell her when she shares her PAP smear results with you" Hmm.....
