I'm sorry, I think I missed something along the way. What is 4/1?
Well for starters its April Fools Day but its my self imposed deadline for putting up with this never-ending BS. A couple of months ago I decided at if nothing had changed and there were still 3 people in my M as of that date, then I am filing for D.
Thats all.
M:39 H:39 K:S14;D8 T:22yr M:15yrs S:12/28/07 EA/PA 3/14/08 OW preg 11/17/08 born 12/12/08 his ~~~~~~~ Never allow someone to be your priority while allowing yourself to be their option
Last night was the first time I read your thread to get caught up with your sitch. Our sitch has so much in common. My H also had an A that produced a child. I know the A did not start serious but b/c of the child he feels trapped an obligated. Although we have been together for a long time, we don't have any children together (I put my education first and then when we were ready ran into fertility problem and was dealing with the A which didn't help). Anyway, hope you don't mine me saying this but your sitch was a bit encouraging for me b/c sometimes I struggle with thinking that if I had a child with my H we wouldn't be here and being that you have children and your H still left made me feel a little better. In my gut though I know that not having children wasn't the issue. If that was it H would have wanted us to try all the fertility means possible but he didn't want to.
Anyway, glad to hear you and your H are reconnecting again. Like everyone said, take it slow and definitely have the talk about what you are looking for. If I get the opportunity I plan too. Good luck and I rooting for you.
By the way, let me know how you plan on dealing with the outside child situation. I wonder how my H and I can go forward with that. He also says that OW would leave if we get back together. I think that is one of his fears too. In hindsight I can see that I was trying to make him chose me over his son but I now know that is actually ridiculous and a set up for failure. I think the best course is to incorporate him into OUR lives. But H has to end that A in order for that to happen.
Ok, that is what I thought it might be, but I started wondering if there might already be some legal paperwork out there that I missed. I hope you are having a great day sweetie!
We have been LS since July and he has taken his name off of my house deed so it is solely in my name and we have a settlement agreement on file with the LS paperwork. My bases are covered My parents had crazy children, not stupid children.
Vicky, glad this mess could give you a bit of encouragement. My H didn't leave because of or in spite of the kids, they really didn't factor into the decision. Just as they don't factor into the decision to come home or D. Its been a long haul and there is an even longer road ahead.
Today has been a bad day because he is in blame mode, the only difference now is I refuse to accept or be a part of it. I call BS on BS.
As far as his D with OW, I'm not entirely sure how that is going to work. Ideally I would be open to incorporating her into our lives. I don't want to be her mother, just someone who can be supportive of her and be a friend. I'm with you on the ending the A. That is what we have talked about. I have told him that there are certain things that I need in order for this to work. Unless or until he makes a committment to me and trying to work on our M though, the non-negotiables are really not an issue. He knows enough for right now and can plan accordingly.
It is not a choice of a child over a M because they are not the same kind of R or love. Any woman that would choose to withold a child from their father because he is no longer with them is using emotional blackmail and it sucks. The thing that frustrates me is his apparent lack of insight that he has rights too. That or his refusal to exercise his rights. She doesn't make all of the rules and his choice to believe that bugs me because he is using it as and excuse & or falling for being held emotionally hostage. Either way, not something I am willing to deal with anymore.
I'll read up on your sitch and good luck to you. The addition of a child from an A just makes a hard situation harder because there will always be contact and a reminder.
M:39 H:39 K:S14;D8 T:22yr M:15yrs S:12/28/07 EA/PA 3/14/08 OW preg 11/17/08 born 12/12/08 his ~~~~~~~ Never allow someone to be your priority while allowing yourself to be their option
My parents had crazy children, not stupid children.