Thanks for the compliment. I am doing pretty well, just tired A LOT, probably from the MRSA. Oh well! So goes life..
As far as validating, I have tried that. I actually wrote Dan a "Dobson Letter" type thing last January. I reviewed pretty much our entire marriage, pointing out all the times where I saw, in hindsight, that I had let him down/made mistakes. Such as depending on him as my sole source of companionship when we moved, nagging him about the money spent on the cattle business, not treating it like a business (calling it a hobby), etc etc.
I apologized, owned up for my shortcomings, and vowed to be more supportive in the future. I have not questioned him on a single purchase since that time. And since that time, he has purchased a different truck, a new tractor (cost more than our first house), and another trailer. Oh, yeah, and his own house a few months ago.
I have encouraged him to spend evenings on the farm taking care of the cows/land instead of being with his family. And this is while we were piecing and I wanted him with me! I told him it was just great when he wanted to spend a couple Saturdays driving to cattle sales with his best friend. And when he spent his vacation days going to pick up a cow in Texas, even though I had asked him to take some time off to go somewhere with me (during piecing) and he said he would but never did.
I am not trying to come across as defensive. I am just saying that all the validating/support in the world doesn't matter at this point, not to my husband. He said a lot of my actions were, in his eyes, just me patronizing him and not sincere. (Trust me, they were sincere!) He doesn't trust that I want to support his dream, even after a year of my DOING just that. All because of the incident where we didn't buy that piece of land.
So, bottom line is, he has to choose to let that go, if we ever have a future together. We cannot get back together with that wound continuing to fester or we will just wind up apart again when his bitterness catches up with him, as it has every other time.
Actually, I did mention it on Sunday. I said, while he was grilling the steaks so we could eat together (?)-- "So, we cannot work things out because you cannot forgive me about the farm, and unless/until that happens, there is nothing I can do." It wasn't a question, it was a statement. He said, "Pretty much", in a disappointed sounding way. So, it is what it is!
OK, gotta get done at school so I can try to go for a run and get the energy level up before night class! All I can do is yawn!
