My situation #9

[steady]

For some reason I can't help but feel like I'm going to be miserable and she's going to be happy as a lark.

You'll be as miserable as you WANT to be. You continue to give her power. You continue to enable her.

WT you're absolutely right. But it's a big difference between intellectualy understanding that and a whole different story to know is in my bones. And yes, I continue to give her power but renting space in my head to her.

In one of our last MC sessions she had said, "I need to figure out why I pick the men I pick."

I can answer her question. She picks enablers. And when she doesn't get her way she emotionally beats the sh!t out of them. She picks men that allow her to drink and take care of her while she does so.

Again WT right on the money with the statement about her not getting her way and then emotionally beating the sh!t out of me. But I also see that I'm allowing that to happen - enabling that cr@p. Before these last few days I felt like I had taken my power back and wasn't really that affected by her. I think taking care of her last week set me up for a fall too.

As long as you still love her and still care, you will continue to circle the drain. Lovingly detach. Sitting in the middle of this is not going to make it better.

How do you stop caring? How do you stop loving? I can relate to the detaching part and I wish I didn't care or love her. But that's not the case at this particular time.

Only you can pull your a$$ out of this. What set this depression off? Change the dialogue in your head - you are the only one that has any influence over that.....

WT

I know I am the only one that can pull my a$$ out of this, but I also know you guys always help me so much when I get spinning like this. So in reality, I can't always do it by myself. That's why I reach out. And I'm grateful there is always a bunch of hands reaching back.

I have been doing a ton of self talk and it usually works like a charm. It's the amount of effort it takes to negate the negative projections that help drain me. I'm working on keeping my mind in today, in this moment, and when I see my mind wandering backwards or forwards I keep bringing it back to the present.