hey nds....i woke up today thinking about your sitch. After the past 2 days of he!! with my H - my mind turned to you.
So, let me get this straight..you had 2 lousy days with your H and you woke up thinking about me? Is that a good thing or a bad thing?..lol.
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You "get" it. You made the turn-around, she sees it - may not think she can trust it yet...but she sees it.
That subject actually came up during our talk the other night, because in the past she had told me she would never put herself in a position of trusting me again.
I brought up the trust issue and she pretty much told me that she thought I had turned the corner in my attitude..my changes and believed I really had changed for the better...not just for her, but for myself....and she thinks it's great.
She also said it doesn't matter and has no affect on what she wants or how she feels.
I think she has become very comfortable..not only with me now, but with her decision for us to separate...and I think that is probably because of the way I have handled things this past year.
I let us become best friends and all the while accepted the fact that she wanted a D...but at this point I don't see any other way I could have done things. I accomplished what I wanted from the beginning...to show her that I love her, and always did... and if I couldn't spend the rest of my life with her, at least give her some good memories to make the bad ones seem a little more distant.
If this ends up getting us to a point where she is willing to try and work on the marriage, that will be great...but for now I have to get back to that place in my mind that was in the beginning...unconditional love, with no expectations of how this will all end.
You are right about the waiting...I have been waiting for her, and will probably continue to for the foreseeable future.
I am not quite ready to become a walk away myself..although that thought does cross my mind on occasion.
Like her, I am comfortable and feel at home with her..in our home.. so unless things start going in a different direction I see no reason to push, pull or pressure her at this point...after all, what would I pressure her for after all this time. She has told me several times what she wants...she is just willing to wait for it.
Which leads me to what you said.....
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What are we waiting for? Are we waiting for our sitches to mold into the ideal outcome we have imagined in our brain? I think it's too much pressure on ourselves if we do.
All we have control over is right NOW. That's it. Screw the past. It's done. We may not have a bit of future. God may pluck us off the planet in the next five minutes...who knows?
SO! The ONLY thing under our control is Right Now. So worrying about our future does nothing but stress us out.
