Hi J.. Thanks for your post. Although I will say, I dont really get why I have several times had people doubt my motives for GAL and I've never seen that levied at anyone else here. I'm not out sailing to win him back, I'm a Piscean, it was always my dream to live by the sea and sail/surf/kayak.. its nothing to do with him!

Its not just the inconvenience that he wont leave her. I can see it WOULD be awkward to dump her whilst they are co-working in a small office and out on site for the next 6 weeks, BUT.. I guess the reason he hasnt 'let go' of her/that R, he's not done yet, for whatever reason. Whatever he is doing, its likely to be very unconcious. Looking at your options 1 and 2, its more likely 2 - he hasnt got the emotional capacity to go through another messy breakup again right now, but she may still have some 'hold' over him also, of course.

I dont have any anger and certainly none at her? I said I felt sorry for her. I dont blame her either, not at all, I blame him entirely. I havent made any comments on my thread like that? I dont believe he is in love with her, or that she is 'the one', but I believe this R is teaching him alot, lessons he needed to learn.

As for M.. he asked me twice and I said no, becuase my Mum drummed it into me as a child, dont get M, dont have kids, keep your independence, dont let a man get the better of you, dont do what I did.. so it was me that was perhaps the commitment phobe for the first 5 years. My COMMITMENT to my ex, eventhough he has gone has been healthy for me and healed that negative childhood conditioning.

I agree, they could pass on titbits, to make him think he is 'losing me'. BUT.. he was in love with me in 1996, nearly asked me out (I hoped he would) but he chickened out.. I then met and moved in with a guy and my ex then backed right off and it took him another 2 1/2 years, until Aug 98 to blurt out how he felt (he was very drunk at the time, natch). So.. because of the way he is, I KNOW that he heard a sniff of an OM, he would just give up, back off, whatever. Wouldnt work. He's also, never been a jealous guy at all. My RL people who know him concur that it would be counterproductive. I just think it might be a dangerous game? If I met someone for real and did move on, it might be interesting to see how he reacted!

Cher told me today BMF is meeting him tommorow, as my ex needs to talk. BMF told me he is now working in an office with her at her company, so that would partly explain why the emails have slowed down - he can hardly email me when they share a room, or risk one from me popping up on screen ! What a shame..