Trying flirting on for size!

[ACJ]

BND & WB,

Thank you for your posts.

I have done a complete 180 this week. For the last two nights D13 has stayed with H. The first night she came home first and then went virtually as soon as I got home from work but last night she didn't come here. I did not contact her.

I've just come home from work today and after giving her a hug I asked if she had had a nice time with H. Her reply said it all 'it was ok!'. When I said 'only ok' she said 'well what do you expect I go there to sleep and it's only on a settee!'

Earlier on today I read an email from a friend who was inviting me out on Friday night. I sent D13 asking her if she could stay at her dad's. When I got home I asked if she had had an answer and she said she hadn't asked him yet. I asked her to let me know as soon as possible so that I could let my friend now if I was able to go or not.

She then went on to tell me that she was 'probably going to go and stay with a friend on Saturday night' this friend lives some 25 miles away so I said 'shouldn't that be please can I go and stay with my friend'. This particular friend was someone she knows from primary school and now that she lives so far away they hardly ever see each other. My dad is coming to stay at the weekend partly b/c my mum is away and partly so I can go out on Saturday (when he volunteered I didn't know about the invite on Friday) and I just said if you do go there isn't much point in grandad coming as he was coming to be with you so I could go out. She started off on one so I just said 'Listen D13 whatever I say you can or can't do you will make your own decision so there is little point in us getting into yet another arguement'. This stopped her dead. Of course I will tell my dad he is still welcome to come as I'm sure he would appreciate a bit of company during the day and on Sunday.

It's Mother's Day here on Sunday D18 has not mentioned coming home, S16 is unlikely to visit and it looks like D13 will be elsewhere so for now I'm preparing myself for the fact that it will be just another day where my children choose to disrespect me.

I am trying my best to let go (honest ) but when you've had nearly 42 years of being a control freak it's not an easy habit to break

WB you may be right about learnt behaviours although part of me wanting to discuss things with my children is b/c my mother never did. You either did her way or no way at all and as a consequence tempers were always high. She has admitted since that perhaps it wasn't the best way and we do have a much better R now. Sadly it is also part of the reason why I've always been a loner as without realising it I withdrew b/c I couldn't handle the constant arguements.

Oh well I guess live and learn needs to be my motto from now on.