In desperate need of advice, separation looming!

[AnotherNightmare]

She said that I was verbally and emotionally abusive.

Sad09,

I would recommend the book "Love without Hurt". You can show it to her, ask her to read it (because it is for both of you) and let her know that you are committed to doing the work that is described in the book. I can tell you from own experience it does work. It worked for me for sure, and it seems we are making progress in our R as well. Even though I do not know my W's exact thoughts, but her seeing that I am no longer in denial, that I am willing to do the work to become a better person, that I am dead serious about changing my behavior must have brought up the thought in her that it might actually work between us again.

I also found this TV show that you can watch online where Stosny talks about his book:

Love without Hurt on Jan 11

It does not matter whether or not she is right about her accusations (my guess is she probably is, even though you may not be a hardcore abuser, you may have displayed some abusive behavior). If she sees that you are doing everything you can to make these changes permanent, she might develop some trust and commitment again. Just be patient, this can be a long process. You did not lose her trust overnight, and you will not get it back overnight. Continue to work on yourself, listen to her with your head and heart, and be there for your kids. You can do it and you will succeed no matter what your W does.

AN