Just missing you guys a little!

[Amy M]

Well, I've asked the question of the attorney and not heard back yet. But, I've decided that I don't have the stomach to fight it really. So, if it's not standard to include it in the package, I won't try to add it at this time. I did ask her if I could go on record indicating my opposition to it...just for the purposes of the legal documents on file. We'll see what she says. I also considered that during our court appearance, I might just throw it out there..."Your Honor, it has come to my attention that my X-H is planning to cohabitate with his girlfriend as soon as you sign these papers. I am opposed to having my children exposed to the living arrangement and would propose that they not be allowed to visit him in her home. Can we add that?" At least then it will be clear and public how I feel about it. The judge might just laugh at me. But, H would be floored. And, there is a slight possibility that if I have the right judge and wear my new purple pumps (LOL), I might just get something added in!!!!

I'll just have to work doubly hard to make sure my kids learn right from wrong. I was already gonna have to do that to make up for the fact that their dad is teaching them that walking away when things get tough is the best choice! And, at some point in the near future, I'll also have to deal with the adultery issue.

A strange thing happened to me last night as I was going over in my head where I've been the last year or so. I don't know if it was what he said on Monday or the way he looked when he said it or just a combination of things going on inside Amy in the recent past, but for the first time, I realized that I have really begun to look forward to being divorced. I don't want to carry this burden of impending doom around any more. And, I noticed last night and all day today that the guilt over the divorce that’s been in my heart just isn't there right now. I'm sure it's not gone permanently, and it may come back to visit frequently, but, for now, it's not there.

I know God uses bad experiences for good, and I know that some good things have come already from my bad experiences...several things obvious to me are that I’ve reordered my priorities that have been out of whack for a while, that I've become more tolerant, and I've become a better friend. I can see those right now in my thought processes, and I can see how these things can be used by God in the future he has planned for me...whatever that might be!

I've learned so much over the past year...mostly about me and some of it from being here on the board and making friends here...that help me know I'm gonna have a great life. I wanted to capture just a few here...journaling, we call it!

I've learned...
That I’m okay;
That sometimes spouses of really terrific people are unfaithful;
That no matter how good I look, there will always be someone who looks better in a swimsuit;
That I don’t own his inadequacies;
That laugh lines are not bad;
That I have big eyes and lashes that other women envy;
That being an intelligent woman isn’t bad; it just means that the next man in my life will have to be sure of himself on his own;
That I don’t even want to weigh what I did when I started college;
That I deserve to have ice cream and Sunkist for breakfast sometimes;
That I can run 10 miles (maybe even more);
That I’m funny;
That I do need to work on being more patient;
That my tendency to procrastinate can get me in trouble and cause me to lose sleep;
That sometimes I’m right and sometimes I’m “absolutely” right;
That my friendly nature may be mistaken for flirtatious in the North…I’ll be careful in my travels;
That I prefer sitting in the sand on the beach to sitting on the deck of the boat;
That I only hate some of the aspects of my job not all of them, and that it’s not too late to change careers;
That the moon is just as beautiful to me as a sunset;
That I do sound like I’m from the South;
That my primary LL’s are physical touch and quality time;
That my talkative nature makes for more interesting conversations…especially if those conversations are with friends who talk as much as me;
That I can have fun even when I’m the only unaccompanied person in a room, at a party, at a table, etc. full of couples;
That I’m not too old for Facebook;
That you can't take back words said in anger;
That forgiveness is a process not an event;
That I can deeply care for folks I’ve never met in person;
That as much as I love babies, I wouldn’t want to have another one now;
That my co-workers genuinely care about me;
That I give my heart away easily and that I like that about me;
That there are incredible people all over this world; and
That you never know what hell a person may be living until they tell you.

The list is nowhere near complete, but the important thing is that I’m realizing who I am again. And, I’m remembering what’s important to me as a woman. I’m glad to be me! And, I’m thankful that God saw fit to allow this crisis into my life so He and I could really get to work on my future!

I’m gonna be so much better than okay that it ain’t even funny!!!

I love you guys much, and I hope that soon everyone here can find some peace in their sitch whether it’s the peace they thought they wanted or not!

Hugs!!!
Amy