You will need to give her space and start working on YOU. I know that's difficult and you are in an emotional place. She may be seeking to upset you (it makes it easier for them to leave), so just STAY COOL!!!! Focus on emotionally detaching from this situation.
Did you ever find work? Since you've been Mr. Mom that should help you with custody if she starts heading in that direction. I'm not telling you that a D is going to happen, I just want you to start being prepared ASAP. This will help you stay calmer too.
It sounds like she is determined to do what she wants to do. You cannot stop this, the best thing you can do right now is give her space and be calm. If you go nuts she will just run away faster.
Do not move out. If she wants you to leave, calmly tell her you won't do that to the kids. But if she's that unhappy she is welcome to leave. You wouldn't want to hold her back from that.
Do not get crazed or emotional. Be calm!!!
There is no arriving, ever. It is all a continual becoming.
