WAW - Very confused and devestated - pt 4

[AnotherNightmare]

CIPA,

The other day I read something in another book ("How to improve your marriage without talking about it"). Stosny is a co-author on this one. When I read this, I had to think of you:

... That's why we can't get away with saying one thing while our bodies say another, as in the male favorite: "Nothing's worng, I just don't feel like talking." Guys, you might find some women who would go along with this in the face of your tense facial expressions and rigid musculature, but you'd be hard-pressed to find any who would truly buy it.

Stosny calls this "Emotional Attunement". In other words, women (but men also) can sense how the other persons (usually their S) feels just by their body language and tone of voice. So as long as you try to validate her feelings while you are still angry at or you say "whatever" with a nervous, anxious tone in your voice, she will not buy it.

So when she says you are doing things out of a book, that is what she is talking about. Part of it may be like spellfire pointed out that she sees the books lying around, but even if they did not, she probably would not buy it, because she reads you much better than you think. She would not be able to explain it the same way, but she knows who she sees is not the real you.

Let me ask you another question about MC and IC: how much time do you actually spend talking about you and your feelings (past or present) vs. what your W does, thinks, or might do?

AN