Wayward Wife/MLC or Just Bad Behavior

[fitzge]

His only defense against paying alimony is that he has too many bills to pay.

Her strategy might be that she's not getting enough $$ to pay her bills.

Should we feel sorry for the person that spent it on meals out and vacation trips with OW??? Or your W who spends the money on whatever instead of bills. Karen

1. The court will look at what his money has been spent on. It is call disapation for assets. Basically, if he spend money on OW or went out and spent extravagantly, he owes that money back to the community (your M). The too many bills excuse will not fly.

2. My WW ran out and rents a 4,000 square foot house at $2,250 per month. She moved OM in immediately. I haven't seen her financial statement (monthly cost of living) yet. I think you are on track -- SHE will claim she is accustomed to a particular standard of living and it needs to continue.

3. The sense of entitlement that WS have is incredible. Their focus is on themselves. I don't feel sorry for them at all. If you tell a child not to touch a hot stove and they do, you feel bad about the burn. We are dealing with adults here -- no one will ever convince me 1 + 1 + 3. My WW has attempted to do that on many occassions.

[fitzge]

Received yet another email from WW. With tax season here all of a sudden finances are on her scope. She has "threatened" to file separately, wanted to file jointly, "threatened" to file separately, etc, etc. I think SHE's figured out that she will owe the IRS some $$$, because now she wants the tax/interest write-off on one of the properties. She sets deadlines for me to reply -- today's is no later than close of business.

I think SHE thinks she is in control and calling the shots. I honestly do not care what she does. I am doing an excellent job of not responding directly to her. All correspondence was forwarded to attorney for action.

[karen43]

I think SHE thinks she is in control and calling the shots. I honestly do not care what she does. I am doing an excellent job of not responding directly to her. All correspondence was forwarded to attorney for action.

Good for you! I wonder how long it will take for your W to realize that she isn't in control??? I've been reading your thread for a while now and agree that NC has been really good for me too. I see H about once a month now, and he actually drops by the house 4 or 5 times a week. NC I think is great for helping us to focus on us rather than the WAS, and to have a more peaceful, normal life despite our spouses kind of being crazy I think. Karen

[fitzge]

Karen

Early on I was totally paralyzed and caught in the pit of denial. I really wanted to FIX whatever was wrong and make it all better. It took me over 2 months to begin to creep out of the shell shocked feeling. I have done everything I can do to protect myself financially and legally. I finally broke the code that the only person I could control was me. This is going to sound funny, but I can not speak HER name and I refer to her as Respondent in correspondence. I made the mistake of speaking with her about 2 months ago. I sat with a phone in my hand and endured 40 minutes of verbal abuse. The kicker was when she told me she could never trust me again (WTF). Many folks would ask, "Why didn't you hang up?" Just label me a dummy. Anyway, NC has allowed me to GET OUT OF THE TORNADO and figure out that whatever happens happens. Not a fatalistic view just a pragmatic one.

[Puppy Dog Tails]

Received yet another email from WW. With tax season here all of a sudden finances are on her scope. She has "threatened" to file separately, wanted to file jointly, "threatened" to file separately, etc, etc. I think SHE's figured out that she will owe the IRS some $$$, because now she wants the tax/interest write-off on one of the properties. She sets deadlines for me to reply -- today's is no later than close of business.

I think SHE thinks she is in control and calling the shots. I honestly do not care what she does. I am doing an excellent job of not responding directly to her. All correspondence was forwarded to attorney for action.

EXCELLENT!!!

[fitzge]

Puppy

Over the last 3 or 4 weeks I grew a backbone. Plus it is not longer my job to do the heavy lifting by myself.

[fitzge]

I haven't posted in awhile. Needed to take a break. I mention (above) that my backbone finally showed up. A couple days later my brain arrived unannounced. As a result, I have strung together 4 days of normalcy. I have been able to focus on some important items in my life (my health, my children, and my legal case (D)). I finally decided to like myself again and it feels good. I determined that I needed to get very involved in my D-case. It is amazing how sloppy the lawyer-prepared paperwork is. So I sat down and read each document with great care. This allowed me to determine WW is basically blowing off Court-ordered items and doing whatever she wants, when she wants. I sent correspondence to my representative outlining exactly what I want done. I have to live the rest of my life with what is decided and put to paper.

I've reached the point where I am not interested in WW, her activities, or thinking about a future that includes her.

This transitition has taken me nearly 5 months. The shift from disbelieve to RESOLVE took nearly 4 months. When I review what I've posted, and your responses, I am shocked that I tolerated the cr*p I did.

I will continue to post every now and then -- but my focus is on ME, not stopping the legal freight train.

[kat727]

It takes each of us our own time to get there. So really no set time line at all. I am glad you are feeling "normal" again and are able to think clearly without emotion clouding the process.

I am glad that you are putting the focus back where it belongs! Let us know how you are doing and of course you can always come by for advice.

kat

[fitzge]

Kat

Thanks for the words. I decided I would not tolerate the situation any longer. Why pine after someone who does not want to be with you, and has no respect for you (of course WW has zero respect for herself.)

It dawned on me I can do anything I want any time I want. No more dancing monkey waiting for permission.

[fitzge]

1. Court dates fast approaching. WW has not provided any requested information nor complied with Court order. I can't seem to get my attorney to file Contempt paperwork. I can't seem to get my attorney to do much except send $30 letters to other attorney rehashing old issues.

2. My doctor called me in for a follow up. I had an STD test done thanks to WW. He told me I was positive for hepatitis B and hepatitis C. IV drug users get hep C -- that's not me. Multiple sex partner people get hep C -- not me either. I know where I got this from -- thanks to WW I now deal with a life threatening disease. Another round of blood tests to confirm the obviously and then off on a life-time of pills. And, that's all she wrote.