Dianes Roller Coaster Ride continued... lol

[Bagheera]

Hello Diane,

You wrote:

I had asked him to decide what he wanted. DOES he want to work together or not? He basically said he doesn't want a marriage that has sex in it, then says in the same breath > There you made me say it.

I'm sorry to say this, but it's very clear from the above statement that your husband does not want to work together on solving your marital problems at this time.

You got your answer.

He wss happy with the previous arrangment, can't understand why you are so very unhappy, and considers your unhappiness to be YOUR PROBLEM, not his. Rather than address the issue, he's dragged his feet, denied that a problem even exists, denied that you ever even brought it up before, and distanced himself -- physically and mentally -- from you and the issue for months and years at a time, hoping that you would come to your senses and the problem would just go away.

He's also played the guilt card on you previously, essentially stating: "what kind of slut must you be, for you to even consider leaving him over the issue of SEX!? What will our friends and family think!?" Don't buy into it Diane: it's not just about sex, it's about satisifying a deep and very understandable human desire (I would even call it a need) to have INTIMACY, CLOSENESS, and a CONNECTION with at least --> one <-- other person in the entire world: your spouse. A marriage without intimacy (emotional and physical) is, in my view, a Tin-Man without a heart: a functional robot, perhaps, but without life or soul. That's what you've been missing, and that's what you are no longer willing to live without.

So now, after all of the above, he's calling your bluff, and has put the ball back in your court. All I can advise you is to remain strong, and continue to stand up for what YOU need out of the relationship: your needs ARE valid, worthwhile, and very normal -- don't guilt yourself into thinking otherwise.

You're in our prayers,

Bagheera