sweet-1,

OK, first of all you need a new name, LOL. I think you should confront your wife; why wouldn't you? Isn't this very serious? No shouting, no angry outbursts, just calmly tell her that "I know all about you and ______ , and it needs to stop. It's incredibly disrespectful to me and our marriage (and if you have kids, throw in " . . . and our family.")

Do NOT tell her HOW you know, only that you know (never reveal the source of good intel!).

All you can really do at this point is let her know that you're NOT willing to live in an open marriage (a boundary); what she then decides to DO is completely up to her (you can't control her).

And then work on YOURSELF.

Most people make the mistake of either:

- begging, pleading, pursuing, flowers, gifts, etc;

- giving ultimatums (you can't tell THEM what to do (controlling); only convey what YOU are and are not willing to live with (boundary);

- being totally passive and allowing them to cake-eat.

Hope that helps,

Puppy