My current sitch is in "limbo", but waiting for W's D papers. I've totally accepted her decision, and am still open to a miracle, but will have a new and joy-filled life with or without her going forward. I think I'm as detached as I can be emotionally and physically. We're still in the same house and even in the same bed - not sure why, maybe because we haven't told the kids yet. Since the bomb ten months ago, through GALing and detachement, I'm learning to love myself and the fear of being alone or not finding someone new, is diminishing more day by day.
Issue at hand today is how to really connect with my kids and take our relationship to a new level. I've been the non-nurturing, disciplinary, more serious/less fun one for TOO LONG. I had a tipping point last night when my W worked late and I did dinner, homework help, clean-up, laundry, putting the kids to bed, reading books at bedtime, and preparing for a business trip that I leave for today. My patience was too thin, and when I was yelling at s12 about something stupid, he said "dad, why are you so mean?". My heart sank. If the W's bomb was my life's wake-up call, this is my wake-up call as a parent.
For almost two years now, I've been working hard on the M. Not that I was a stellar dad before, but during this time I've been preoccupied with losing my marriage (and family) most of my waking hours. I've done what I've done for the last two years to help keep my family together, but ironically, did little to improve as the father in the family . This is the day I want to begin.
Questions to you all (dads and moms): As a dad, described above, how would I best start the connection process with my kids and be the most amazing parent possible? I don't want to become their BFFs or become a disneyland dad, when the D is done, but have a heathy, bonded and totally loving relationship. Any great books out there that anyone can recommend? Should I re-direct my DB Coach sessions to focus on my parenting role? Any insight would be greatly appreciated.
