I want to know where our marriage failed so I can understand what it is he sees in this girl.
Personally, I doubt you will really learn anything useful that you can use. If he's actively involved in an affair, EVERYTHING about you will be wrong. You can't base your actions on his words.
I would rely more on historical data. What were the issues that you experienced in the marriage? And I'd also rely on yourself. You know what is attractive and what is unattractive. In his current state, kissing butt, whining, pleading, acting like your world is crumbling, and moping around are unattractive. Be strong. Be confident. Your life can still be great. So smile. Don't just sit there in counseling and agree what an ogre you are. Think, "know what? I wasn't perfect. I wasn't always the best wife. But I recognize the things I could have done better and I can do so. You aren't all that and a bag of chips either." Just because someone else wants him doesn't make him somehow a great catch. No one can prop your self-esteem up for you...you have to do it yourself, by recognizing your own worth.
You cannot be lonely if you like the person you're alone with. Dr. Wayne Dyer
