A New Decade

[JCJ]

(((Ms M)))

Sorry I haven't been around much, I've just caught up.

You said

One of the reasons he gave when he left was basically to pay off his debts.

You said that having those debts affected his self esteem and ego, and implied that you rescuing also affected his feelings in a negative way - took away his masculinity or made him feel incapable?? What message do you think it would send to him if you paid off all his debts? Also, if you actually asked him what would he say? You also said

I know, way back DBcoach Jody said no rescuing!! (Which was my pattern in the past, even when we were best friends).

DBing is about doing something different as repeating negative patterns doesn't work. If he has listed himself as single on his myspace page (that is a horrible bullet to take, I'm really sorry ) then let him realise what it means to not have you there anymore.

I know this sounds harsh but you need to detach yourself from the situation. It is his mess now; you are already 'helping' him by sorting out the paperwork. What would be your 180 here?

I know it is a massive struggle and you want to do the right thing, but self sacrifice isn't attractive. My ex never found it so anyway and I was the queen of it, in fact it only made him feel more guilty and made him run away faster (if that was at all possible lol!)