First post... looking for advice and where I'm at.

[sweet-1]

Hi all, I'm new here and while I'm waiting for the DR book to arrive, I thought I'd try asking for some advice.

First of all, my wife was contacted in August 08(Facebook) by an old high school friend. We've been having what I thought was minor issues for the last few years, but we always seemed to work through them. Anyway while the friend was reacquainting himself with my wife, I thought it was okay at the time, seemed above board, I purchased a new vehicle for my work. While at the time it seemed like a good idea as it's covered by expenses etc, I never asked my wife. Anyway when the truck was brought home, all hell broke loose and we hardly spoke for 2 weeks. Then Nov 2 she tells me she wants a separation, I didn't like it, but there really isn't alot I could do except refuse to move out. She left with the 2 kids in tow (5 and 11). A few days later I offered to move out etc, but she refused to come back without a mediated agreement..okay I guess.

Any way, we barely spoke over the holidays, etc. As per the mediated agreement, we each lived in the house for 1 week with the kids, the other would stay in hotels or at a friend's place. On Feb 10, I found her statement of claim for the divorce while cleaning the house (dated Jan 27, served Feb 18), Through out this she has been telling me she has been faithful etc, I've made ALL the mistakes, flowers, emails, phonecalls, date offers etc, but the other day, she came by for some stuff,(my week) and a receipt from a gas station almost 4 hours away fell out of her door.
Curiousity got the better of me and I phoned a hotel next to the gas station. It turns out the other guy had paid cash for a room the previous Saturday night.

Side note, she turned 40 March 1st, and the day before she walked out I had booke da hall for her party etc, to try and show her I was truly sorry for the truck.

The thing is, I'm disappointed but not overly angry. I still love her very much and feel I can actually forgive this. I think this guy is married as well, and she seems quite conflicted what little I talk to her. I've been keeping my distance since the new year, other than kid related issues. I want very much to have the woman I married (my best friend) back, but friends and family have all commented how completely different and irrational she is. And I love her enough to fight for her.

My question is, I want to ask her (not confront) about what I know, or should I just let it go for now? Or should I try and get more info (pics etc) then talk to her? She's the type to put her guard up and overreact so I'm confused as to what to do.

She wants to try collaborative law for the divorce (separated less than 6 mos), and has filed for sole custody, despite our mediated week on week off custody agreement, spousal support, etc. Given the infidelity and absolute rush to divorce (filed before trial separation had even ended), is collaborative likely to fail?

PS I'm in Alberta Canada, are there DB coaches up here, the long distance charges would kill me.

L