Have you committed to putting just one or two into practice?
You should have compromised there. Hind sight and all that. It from what you wrote seemed like sex was stick you used to get your relationship on track, and because there was no sex...she now finds it elsewhere.
Piecing without boundaries, real boundaries AND the ability to impose consequences...its going to fail. If you cannot walk away because they crossed a line...there is no threat. You're a doormat, and they know it.
In piecing, everything goes out the window. You HAVE to have the R talks, you have to impose your will on the relationship, and you have to be able to tell them to F off.
Right now...I dunno if she is MLC and you should follow the DBing rules, or if she and you are piecing and you should impose your boundaries...but one of the secrets of piecing...
For the record compromise does not mean you are a doormat. In piecing it just means you are reestablishing your relationship. And your boundaries become her compromises.
Jack, I think BND hit the nail on the head, when she stated that I need to find the courage to address the bullying and manipulation. Until I do this, there will be no forward movement, and certainly no foundation for intimacy, which she wants. I think this is the boundary issue you've promoted, and noted has been lacking in my efforts.
I have been a doormat. The book I'm reading will talk about this further. I think reading moves me forward, and provides 180's to experiment with. I read and experiment, read and experiment. I see it as an active process, not passive as you suggest.
Your boundary comment is dead on. I agree that I carried around anger, due to my failure to set boundaries around her verbal and emotional abuse. This anger and unresolved feelings about the prior sleeping elsewhere were obstacles to intimacy. I did not intentionally withhold sex as a punishment.
It's not easy to get to a point where one truly is ready to leave the M. Isn't that ultimately the threshold the LBS must reach?
CL
CL 53 W 54 M 20 yrs. 03'-09' Separation + Old Patterns + GAL 10-14' Piecing
"The Master allows things to happen. She shapes events as they come."
