The way that I see it we made a very conscious choice to start a family. There were no accidents, etc. It was planned.
So, in my opinion, it is up to us to fulfill the obligations brought about by that decision. As I have said a bunch of times before, I have done nothing that would put anyone in danger, so it's not like by staying married either her or kids are in any sort danger. We do not fight in front of the kids, nor do we use the kids to get at one another, so its not like they are suffering on that front. I know that she is unhappy, and that is not good for the kids, but I still standby the fact that her unhappiness will not end with our divorce. I also stand by the idea that while there is definite changes that need to be made, nothing that is wrong with our marriage is unfixable and she does not have to give in to a life of misery. In fact, I believe that both of our lives, and thus the lives of the kids, will be much worse after the divorce and if she could just hang in there a bit longer our lives will improve drastically. I am very seriously considering sitting her down and telling her this. I have figured this a hundred different ways, and none of them (financially alone) work out very nicely. However, if I figure out if we stay together things can only improve. And this is just economic. I can't get into emotions because I cannot tell her how she feels or will feel, but if I were taking it to Vegas I would say that when all of this settles, her depression etc., she will be in a much better place building a life with her family than trying to hold things together alone. That being said, the kids will bounce back and forth and lack the solid foundation of a family as a source of stability in their lives. Plus, kids are kids, and my daughter is already pretty good at trying to manipulate us separately to get what she wants, I can only imagine how well her skills will improve if we live in separate houses.
All that being said, I look at it like this: 1) Things have been getting better recently. Not perfect, but better. 2) Though it is filed at the courts on March 6th, she had filled out the paperwork in mid February, so this isn't a new development. She also seemed as surprised as I was to hear about it, so I don't think she fully understood what she did. I think she told the lawyer to wait 90 days and the lawyer went ahead and filed and I will be served at that time. That being said, I have 60+ days until I am served.
3) She seems to be more upbeat lately, which I can attribute to the medication. She has been a lot more talkative and seems generally more concerned with what I think or say about things outside of the D. However, my biggest concern there is that she will associate this new attitude with her moving forward with the divorce.
4. I can sleep when I'm dead. Or...I can't throw in the towel until the ink is dry on the papers. I have my kids, myself, and even her to think about. If I give up now, I will never forgive myself. That being said, if I somehow manage to pull this off against the odds, things will have to be different this time. Too often she's called it off and things drifted back to where they started. If I can get her to stop this mess, BOTH of us need to make the marriage work without the stipulations and limitations that usually seem to follow. Every time we've come back (remember this is going on 3 years now) it's been on her terms, with her list of things that I need to do. Even if I accomplish them, it doesn't matter, because the first time something goes wrong we're back in D mode. That can't happen. This time we need to sit down and actually tell one another not only what we want out of a marriage, but out of life. Those are the goals to work towards. We've basically been spinning our wheels for the past 5 years, grasping at everything to make ends meet. We both have been starved emotionally and spiritually and it's time that we worked towards attaining those things, either together or separately, and stop depriving ourselves of those basic but important needs.
