Sorry that you find yourself here after being in Piecing.
I myself am piecing, but...I like it here.
Couple of thoughts, first off some things I noticed or have questions about you or what you wrote.
You have been here since 03, that's a hell of a long time. Which leads me to the question, how many books have you read about the various subjects, cause...I think it is a lot. So you have all this knowledge, from other people 'experts' if you will. Have you committed to putting just one or two into practice?
Don't get me wrong, I love to read...but after awhile all those books are either going to say the same thing, or contra-dict each other, and I think for many people LBS it is just safer to read than to put into practice.
I worry about the readers who devour everything they can get their hands on, because it seems like all they do is read...I can read a manual on how to fix my engine, and all the other engines in the world, but, unless I get my hands dirty...it does no practical good.
The 5 languages of love...I am willing to bet you read it. So going with that assumption... your wife equates sex with love, and you equate sex with needing love...yeah I simplified it to the point of over simplifying it.
You should have compromised there. Hind sight and all that. It from what you wrote seemed like sex was stick you used to get your relationship on track, and because there was no sex...she now finds it elsewhere.
No offense...that was stupid.
I understand it...but a compromise I believe would have worked here.
As BND said, 2 sides to the story.
Piecing without boundaries, real boundaries AND the ability to impose consequences...its going to fail. If you cannot walk away because they crossed a line...there is no threat. You're a doormat, and they know it.
In piecing, everything goes out the window. You HAVE to have the R talks, you have to impose your will on the relationship, and you have to be able to tell them to F off.
Right now...I dunno if she is MLC and you should follow the DBing rules, or if she and you are piecing and you should impose your boundaries...but one of the secrets of piecing...
Compromise. You have to know what you can live with and what you cannot, what you can live with is compromise. Maybe before writting this off as MLC, maybe you are still in piecing. Neither is enjoyable.
You have to give to get, and get to give. You have to bite your tongue, and you have to be willing to be burned, but you have to walk away if you realize you are going to keep getting burned.
For the record compromise does not mean you are a doormat. In piecing it just means you are reestablishing your relationship. And your boundaries become her compromises.
Me: 46 H:44 Together: 25 years Married: 20 years Separated: 11-30-06 Divorced 12-21-07 OW: EA began 2005 PA began end of 2006 3 children,20, 16, 6 ex asked for forgiveness 01/16/11
