I believe in your point on the Grace/Will of God is the ONLY thing that will turn things around.
Pup I have always loved the "melty man" example. It is so accurate. I have done it a bit over the past couple months.. It's hard not to sometimes.
As we are currently separated it's tough to get the opportunities for acts of kindness as you just don't have the same contact as before. They do come from time to time, just far less frequently. I have encouraged her to call me if she just needs someone to talk to.. I doubt she will at this point but that could be a sign for the future that things are changing slightly if she does. I guess the best I can do at this point is to be patient and turn myself over to God along with her and the kids, heck everything.
For the first time in my life I have surrounded myself with godly men who will help with accountability. This is a big 180 for me. I can feel myself getting stronger, moving my dependance on her to him. Yes we were very co-dependant.
Wow, this is so hard and so long term. Very difficult to stay focused on fighting for this when she is running the other direction. My respect level for those who have done this successfully has skyrocketed.
What an amazing group of DB vets we have here. I am so appreciative of those who stick around and continue to give.
Pup...How are things going. I get a sense of frustration from you. How are you and the W tracking? You have been there for me so much.. I was hoping that you are getting to where you are hoping to be with your W?
V
***Getting up every day and learning to breathe in a new me. For me and my children***
Me: 43 W: 38 SD-15 S(s): 12,9,7 Separated-2/14/2009 My sitch
I am frustrated, vDad, and thanks for noticing and for asking. As much as I feel that the Retrouvaille weekends are great for MANY couples, for us, it wasn't really what we were needing. We don't have a problem with communication (heck, we could have written each other's dialogue exercises), but rather with the whole intimacy thing. We'd be better off seeing a good sex therapist, or my wife going to a good IC, but she's not going to do either one, so for now we remain "stuck."
It's such a waste of an otherwise great marriage and great friendship, and it just makes me very sad.
For me at least it came through loud and clear. It's tough when you are very oriented that way. Actually I can't imagine someone not being wired that way.
I have similar issues with that too. I pray that either your wife can finally deal with that or you are able to finally make a decision that leads you to a R that gives you that connection. It's obviously not the only thing to be considered but is a huge part of the overall satisfaction God designed you for.
Keep looking up about it Pup!
V
***Getting up every day and learning to breathe in a new me. For me and my children***
Me: 43 W: 38 SD-15 S(s): 12,9,7 Separated-2/14/2009 My sitch
I honestly can't and won't take any credit for the turn-around in my marriage. It was absolutely the grace of God. I too had to learn that he was enough for me and that he must be number 1 in my life. Focus on him and lay your burdens at his feet. He will take care of all of your needs. Remember, "seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all other things shall be given to you."
Well we were in court today for our reorganization. She is almost 20 minutes late. I look later and she was Myspaceing OMen until 10 minutes before she had to be there.
She hasn't worked for six months and this is what she does ALL day! I am going down financially and she won't even lend a hand it seems.
She told me today to let her go and move on. She will never want to be in a marriage with me again. She has to move out of our home in no less than 60 days and can't support herself. She is thinking of moving in with a friend with two daughter's, my daughter, and three sons. WTF???
Today was one of those pivital moments in a relationship.. At this point I need to protect myself legally and financially. She is making it impossible to take care of my children and I am going to have to cut ties with her while she travels whatever road she needs to go down.. It's sad.. but I always heard that at some point it's time to move on and you just know.
Apparrently today was that day.
It hurts but I can move past this..
V
***Getting up every day and learning to breathe in a new me. For me and my children***
Me: 43 W: 38 SD-15 S(s): 12,9,7 Separated-2/14/2009 My sitch
Yes, you do need to protect yourself legally and financially. Just from what you wrote and her words and behavior....she is very much in the fog right now.....it will end eventually. Don't believe what she is saying at all. She doesn't deserve to have you wait for her while she does this, but if you can just focus on you and your family and wait and see....you may see her come around. I know you think that's impossible, but she will eventually come out of this "fog" and when she does, if you are still there, she will want to try again. Pray for her.
I've seen this time and time again. My friend's affair partner, the one that broke up her marriage and caused a divorce, just left her. Her ex H has moved on and met another woman. He said he doesn't want to "give it another go, and is moving in another direction now." My friend is only now dealing with the divorce and all she has given up. It is too late.
VDad, you seem like you are getting to a better place. At least you will have some closure (kind of) one way or the other sometime soon, if I read your thread right. You are making the best decision for the intel you have on the stitch now. You can't guess about the future.
((((hugs))))
Melissa
"Standing knee deep in a river and dying of thirst."
I'm sorry to hear that you had such a rough day. Do what you need to do to take care of yourself, just be careful not to trample her while you are doing it. I heard my wife say just 2 weeks before we got back together (all on her own initiative, by the way) that she could never see me as her husband again. God worked a miracle in her heart. Don't believe everything your W says. Set a limit for yourself (e.g. her in an actual physical relationship w/OM) and say you will wait until that point is reached. Marriages are worth fighting and praying for. Don't feel so hopeless. I know that's hard to do--there were so many times that I felt completely hopeless, but a turn around is possible. Most importantly, pray earnestly for her.
Vdad, I am with you in this pain. As I understand the situation your W is both frustrated with your M and she might have a MLC. This means that she might need some time alone. One thing you may consider is to offer her a separation instead of D, and suggest her that you can move yourself out of your house for a year. Explain that you would not like her to jump into decisions, so she will have a time to think what she would like to do. For you this will give an option to use 180 strategy and continue working on you marriage.
WaitingPatiently Your story is such an inspiration. More than two years for now I continue to pray, and thank God that he is recovering our marriage from ashes. And one thing that I am confident about is that we are still on the palm of His hand, and he will deliver us out of this nonsense
