I'm not sure if I should be calling myself 'a better man' anymore.
After much time spent talking to GF and XW this weekend, I'm not sure what I'm doing anymore. Pretty sure I'm going to lose both. XW knows GF is still my GF. GF knows I talk to XW, but isn't thrilled about that at all.
XW and I have seemingly reconciled and are carrying on as friends, which is all I think I want. I'm not sure though. When I'm around her old feelings ignite, but I try to keep them in. She planned a trip this weekend, and I have been wanting to go to the same destination to visit friends for some time now. We agreed we'd carpool up there but I'll be dropping her off at her friend's place as soon as we arrive. I am looking forward to the time we'll get to spend talking on the ride up, though. Guess I'm curious if there is still enough there to reconsider my position of not wanting to work things out.
My GF has been working in another country for 9 months now and I miss her a lot. I'm not sure if these feelings creeping up for XW are because they're real or because I feel lonely... As in, if GF were here would these feelings for XW still exist? I don't know, but need to figure things out before I fly down to meet GF next month. That is the self-proclaimed point-of-no-return for XW. I can understand that.
I should really just spend some more time being single! Then again, that just means I lose them both, but my feelings right now aren't healthy for anyone involved
