I think the email is not a good idea. I really hope other vets here give you some pointers because I KNOW in my heart that you need to do things different. Your H stopped connecting, you need to take control of the situation and when he reaches out becuase he will, you need to be disconnected. I think it's basically getting a D emotionally, which I think is more painful than a legal D. I am struggling with this right now. I don't have children and I'm a bit thankful for that right now with my sitch, but I think you need to let your H connect with D without you.
Please can others give Pooh advice on how to do a 180 here. Good luck.
