Mindblank #2 - "Stuck as friends..."

[ernest88]

My problem is the detaching. You can't just "do" that.

sure you can..it just takes some longer than others..

I'm f*cking pissed off! I'm one flood-gate away from a major emotional meltdown at any given moment! I CARE! I know what has pissed him off in the past. I know what went wrong.

you're assuming you know but in this next sentence

In his mind, I always pushed him into homes, cars, vacations, etc... (he was uncomfortable with the decision, but did it to either keep me happy, or shut me up)

you show doubt..SO..was he doing this to keep you happy?? Or shut you up??

In his mind, I wasn't there for him, once we had our boys.

IN MY MIND, he's probably RIGHT!

I would guess you both got comfortable..it's par for the course..the wife gets all nesty..the husband thinks once the kids are all here then it should be couple time again...but then says screw it when tyhe W won't get with the program..

Then, once all of this surfaced, he chose to punish me, instead of working on it with me. He said he was moving out after the 2007 holidays. Then, INSTEAD of moving out, he just stayed... never TELLING me he chooses to stay, never TELLING me he will attempt to work this out, never TELLING me he's just staying in the house for the kids, just BEING. But in the meantime, he's PUNISHING me! How? Sleeping in the same bed, but f*cking light years apart. Standing next to me at all kids events, with a cement wall surrounding himself, CHOOSING to work out of town M-F, etc...

you really need to read Men are from Mars/Womnen are from Venus..he's a DAM...

And, I try and try and try for almost a YEAR! Emails, phone calls, text messages, gifts upon gifts upon gifts... I try to SHOW him I care, and I'm sorry! I try to SHOW him none of this matters, just us.

and how did that work out for you?? he moved away..distanced himself even more..pressure, pressure, pressure..

Some of you think I'm at this a very short time. SINCE NOVEMBER...!!! Sure, things have GREATLY improved. I mean HUGELY, HOWEVER, without someone who is willing to let you know if this is helping, just making things tolerable, looking forward to us a little bit more, THERE IS NO GAUGE AND NO HOPE!

you have hope because ..you have no papers in hand...christ on a pony..

It tears me apart to be so far away from him. It would completely destroy me if I found out he was unfaithful and that someone else had been allowed "in." I feel like he's broken my trust in him... not in our marriage vows (because I really don't think so)... My trust in him with my heart. No matter how much we could build and grow, I'm not sure I'll ever feel secure in our M again.

that is telling...

It just f*cking sucks.

well...I think how bad it sucks is determined by how you look at things...the way I see it..in your sitch there is much hope...but all that hope depends on what you do and how you are and "act"

And, I repeat. I have not found a way to detach. I'm not sure it's in me.

detachment is a bitch....

I am the KING of GAL by the way...

detachment starts with worrying about you and not about him..