Pollyanna..you asked me to list what is important to me and to see if staying married is possible.
My first thought is that it really doesn't matter what is important to me; because if it isn't important to my W as well, the M is over.
But since you asked, my MAIN priority in saving this M has always been to give my children what the W and I lacked in our childhood; two loving parents, living in the same house, married and in-love with each other.
A few weeks back my S8 asked me if he was going to have 2 mommies. I, of course, told him "no." That he would only have one mommy; but I knew what he meant. I explained that it was entirely possible, that at some point in life there may be a step-mother in his life. Just like there may be a step-father in his life.
Last night, the W was over again to "see the kids." Mostly, she talked with me out on the back deck. She didn't bring up any talks of us this time. Talked mostly about her new job, her mother and their life growing up; she was explaining all the ways that her mother disappointed her. She was trying to say that she wasn't going to do that to her kids; but little does she know (maybe she does and doesn't want to admit)that she already does do some of the same things her mother did. She talked about school and about how our current situation was best for the kids.
In the middle of all this, S8 threw a fit. Something about he couldn't control his mind. He said that he was trying to go one way and his mind made him go the other. He cried for about 20 minutes and finally calmed down. He had a meltdown on Saturday at a friend's house and he told my mother that he had "anger issues." Those were his words. He has told me that before, about three weeks ago. We talked about the need to get him into counseling. We just haven't agreed to whom to send him to just yet. She wants to him to see one of her professors; who has her practice just south of us. I want him to see one that is part of a mental health group run by the church I have attended from time to time. Anyway, he needs it. His grades aren't suffering and I'm not getting any negative feedback from school; so that's good.
So toward the latter part of the evening, S8 asks the W if she is going to come back to live with us after she finishes school. At that point, I couldn't hear her reply; I said matter of factly that this affects all of us, so she could feel free to speak up. S8 asked her if he was going to have 2 daddies, 'cause he didn't want 2 daddies. he only wanted 1 mommy and 1 daddy.
Several minutes later, the W asked me what I thought about that and how to respond. I told her with the truth. She said that she told him he would only have 1 mommy and 1 daddy. There couldn't be more than that. I responded that you should know what he means; he means step-parents.
So Pollyanna, last night is why I have fought for 3 years to save my M; just to avoid my kids having to think these thoughts.
My plan is do the settlement paperwork, 2 weeks from today and continue as we planned. I'm not seeing any action from her and I'm not waiting to proceed. If this spurs any action, we'll see; but I doubt it.
