I'd have to say my H's OW was my opposite, from what I've heard at least. Also, I came across a post by Newman (??--from the other site) where he suggested that the OW is like the anima, or rejected female side of the male MLCer. I saw one photo of the OW and was amazed that she actually looked like a female version of my H! Interestingly, Newman was right: H seems to have come to terms with his female side now, and it actually makes him more comfortable in accepting his role as a guy.
Yes, my H's mom was an interesting, larger-than-life figure! She had a lot of wonderful qualities as well, but I have to admit that, even though my kids have lost a very involved (!) grandmother, I'm glad they don't have to deal with her messing with their minds.
Oh, the duality of these MLCers is enough to drive a person crazy! My H admitted afterwards that he'd never stopped loving me, but as long as he couldn't love himself, he couldn't actually feel love for anyone else. I'm glad he recognized that. It's impressive that you were strong enough to be able to end things with your H so swiftly and decisively--that shows so much internal strength!
Your brother sounds like a really great guy--what a loss to you and your family. I hope that, despite her failures, his wife made a good parent to his daughters. It's strange how sometimes it's the clean livers among us who succumb to cancer early. The same thing happened to my mother, who died at 60 after doing EVERYTHING right. She must have had one of the lowest toxic loads of anyone living in North America. Whenever I hear one of those programs on "things you should do to avoid cancer," I can mentally check off every single thing--and more--because she did them all. It seems inconceiveable, and also scary that following the health rules can yield so little result. Meanwhile, they ask the 100 year olds for their secrets, and it often comes down to, "Every day I smoked, drank and ate red meat and look at me now!"
It's horrible that your H thought you should be over your brother's death in 3 months. I guess that's part of the whole I-have-no-issues-so-what's-wrong-with-you mentality. And it's not any consolation to think that his issues are now rearing their ugly heads, and it's going to take him a LOT longer than 3 months to get over them....
Being lonely sucks. It's such a hard thing to change, though. What have you thought about doing? Are there any things you've always wanted to accomplish, but it was never the right time?
