Words of Affirmation I'm pretty sure, but also gifts...b/c he has provided for his family then for us as his family for so long that he feels appreciated with gifts and words. Definitely words though, since if I'm sacrcastic or nasty or critical of anyone it makes him cringe.
I've been extremely patient, not only with him but with everything including our girls. So he can see I'm not a flake. I really do want to be a less harsh person.
This morning was another kiss on the cheek as he left the house, but I don't make any comment, I think he's expecting me to nag about how much I want one on the lips. He has every right to guard his heart, I have made changes temporarily before then hurt him by my actions, words and let him down. I don't want to be a mean person so I am proving it to myself and him.
I've been all smiles, not fake ones, but giving him huge smiles when he says something funny or cute, laughing at his jokes things like that. Acting flirtacious, rubbing him, rubbing his thighs, ways I would have treated him 12 yrs ago when we were younger, and I had no inhibitions.
On saturday when we were at the event the place was crawling with fitness models, very sexy chicks. LOL.... I was taking pictures of a few of them b/c they have been a huge inspiration to me fitness wise, he took a few pictues of some with his camera, then he asked me to stand still so he can take one of me. After he took mine, he said I'm only taking pictures of sexy girls with this camera. So yesterday I thanked him for calling me sexy in a cute sneaky lil way on saturday. To show him I did acknowledge him complimenting me. It has been forever since he's given me a compliment on my appearance, a real genuine compliment, not one I ask for. It made me get butterflies inside. I hope we're getting somewhere.
M:28 H:30 DD-9| DD-7| Baby- Due 11/10 T-14 | M-8
10/08- Bomb 4/09- Failed attempt at Marriage Fitness Program 3/10- WH moved out. 7/10- Informed me he's filing in Aug
I try not to analyze but it does make me want to scream. Mondays, Tuesdays and Wednesdays, I want to shake him. So I just look forward to Thursdays and the rest of the weekends and concentrate on other things the other days. Very hard but I'm trying. I'm so glad your trip was good. You deserved it.
Thanks so much. We had a great time. He told everyone it was one of the best weekends of his life. I felt great hearing him say that b/c I gave that to him and he deserves it. I treated him to an even that will forever be on his mind. And I don't want to do something stupid to erase that good feeling he has about the way we were this wknd. So I'm on my best behavior.
I know what you mean about the work week, my H is the same way a lot of times. I know he hates his job, so I guess Mondays suck for him b/c he's back at the same annoying place. He wants to quit, but during this recession is no time to quit.
M:28 H:30 DD-9| DD-7| Baby- Due 11/10 T-14 | M-8
10/08- Bomb 4/09- Failed attempt at Marriage Fitness Program 3/10- WH moved out. 7/10- Informed me he's filing in Aug
Yeah, my H loves his job. I think I just deal with backlash every Monday after having a such a great three or four days with him. So, I'm learning to deal. I joined a tennis league that is on Mondays, I look forward to that. On Tuesdays here, there's a chain fast food store that does great family events so I take my S there every Tuesday night. He loves it. On Wednesday I either have tennis practice or yoga which I've really learned to love. And I'm more flexible than I thought. Then is Thursday again. And I have another tennis league that night too. The thing that sucks is if he's still distant on Thursday. That still disappoints me, but it's better than it was at Christmas time, for sure. Still DBing my A$$ off.
I know the feeling. Now I don't know how to act with the different behavior, I don't want to come off as needy. I want us to go farther. I hope we get there. But I'm hoping he is getting a lil more comfortable around/with me. And I'm pretty sure my every move is being watched and tested waiting for me to backslide.
He's planning a trip out of town again to go see his dad. Usually I b***h and moan b/c I hate when he goes over there, but I have been helping him plan it this time.
In Oct when he was being affectionate I asked him if it was just from his excitement of going on his trip back then. I think that hurt him pretty bad, b/c here he is showing affection that is so hard for him to do, b/c he didn't grow up in an affectionate home, and when I finally get it from him, I'm sarcastic and b****y about it.
Now I'm acting 'as if' the trip is cool with me. Let's see where that gets me!
*I am appreciating every single drop of affection, the tiniest lil bits. I will never take me H or my M for granted again WHEN we work this all out!
M:28 H:30 DD-9| DD-7| Baby- Due 11/10 T-14 | M-8
10/08- Bomb 4/09- Failed attempt at Marriage Fitness Program 3/10- WH moved out. 7/10- Informed me he's filing in Aug
I tell myself the same thing. I am also sarcastic by nature and I can be mean too. I know it was a problem and I knew it then and really regret it now. I think you are doing great. Watch the backslides...they kill me too. Hang in there DBing Sista!
Here is my list that I'm living by, or trying to: Do not talk about your future. Do not talk about your relationship. Do not be his doormat. Be the woman he fell in love with but with a little mystery mixed in to show him there's more to get to know. Be sexy, grown up and happy. Make him feel like a champion--but don't go over board. Make easy for him to change his mind and save face. Chip away at the bad feelings so he knows the bridge home is not destroyed, but actually very strong. Let him know you are worth the committment. Let him know you are the best option because there's still a lot good in your relationship. Continue to agree with him. Only contact him if you have to and be interesting. Let him do things for you so he feels needed and helpful. Pay attention to him but be curious not examining. Be his FRIEND.
He called me on my lunch hr today, for NO REASON AT ALL. That again, hasn't happened in a very long time. All these lil' things in a 3 day time frame that haven't happened in many months.
I know when he leaves for the 10 days, I'm going to go pretty dark. Let him miss me. Maybe this is the best time since it seems like he's testing the waters. I just get nervous, b/c before the D bomb, when he was just saying he isn't happy, we would have great times then he'd say Don't get your hopes up, I'm still not happy.
I hope this time is different. I guess I'll have to 'Act As If' he won't say that to me after all of these good lil moments??? But how do I shake that idea, and that feeling like it's not going to happen. Like it's just wishful thinking and I'm reading into something that means nothing??
I hope these are good signs, and not false hopes.
So confusing.
M:28 H:30 DD-9| DD-7| Baby- Due 11/10 T-14 | M-8
10/08- Bomb 4/09- Failed attempt at Marriage Fitness Program 3/10- WH moved out. 7/10- Informed me he's filing in Aug
I'm not sure. Maybe really try to imagine how you would act if you really really wanted to dump him BUT absolutely did not want to hurt his feelings because you do still love him. Imagine you've found a new life and new happiness that doesn't include him.....how would you treat him, considering you sincerely want him to be happy too, and you feel bad for leaving him....Maybe if both of us could get in that mind set we could really do some DBing butt kicking.
