Sorry to leave you all hangin' yesterday! Karen I will have to look into the movie trailer thing, that would be too much fun!
Ok, so here it goes. In the last 3 or so weeks there have been some definite changes in the amount of time H and I spend together and how things are when we are together. We have also had a couple of very encouraging talks.
We went to a movie on the weekend that my MIL took the kids to the beach. He invited me and after the movie we went to MILs house and hung out and watched some TV, then I went home.
The next weekend I took DS and a friend to see Friday the 13th as a Valentine's present so he was going to take DD to see Coraline for hers. He ended up inviting us to dinner and we all went to the movie together.
The next weekend he called on Saturday night and invited me to go and watch my MILs best friends H play. When he asked me, he wanted to make sure that I wouldn't be uncomfortable because my MIL, her friends (that have known H since he was born) and other would be there. He wanted to make sure that I was ok because they all know the situation and he didn't want it to be weird for me after the way he has treated me. His words, not mine. I told him I wanted to go, but I knew that we were just going to hang out and have a good time and that I was quite clear it didn't mean "anything" and his response was that he didn't say it didn't mean anything. We went and I could tell he was unsure what their reaction would be, but everyone treated us like they always have and we had a good time. I had picked him up so I drove him home and we watched some TV then I went home.
This last weekend I had to work on Sat. so my MIL had the kids Friday night. I took them to her house and he and I went to Starbucks (his invitation) to get a tea and talk.
We talked about getting back together and he thought we would need to schedule and appt. with a MC so we could start working on things. We also talked about his R with the Troll and how I know he will have to talk to her, but the R would need to be a co-parenting one and not BF/GF. He also said he thinks that if we were to get back together that he believes the Troll will end up refusing to let him see the baby. That she would make him end up filing with the DA so he could see her. I just told him that I couldn't ask him to give up contact with his child to be with me and this is a decision that he will have to make on his own. We continued to talk but I kind of put and end to that part of it and moved on to more neutral subjects, but felt it was positive.
He has made several referneces to us being together and has asked questions about how things would be if.... He also told me that he has been trying to show me how special I am to him by making an effort to spend more time together just he and I.
As much as I want to believe that this is all true, I have learned the hard way that things are not always as they appear. I see some positive changes, but I'm scared that this is just a bid for "more time", even though he has stated that he knows 4/1 is the end. So I need some opinions and guidance here. I have just been having a good time with it and not getting too caught up in "whats next", just having fun in the moment. I'm scared because right now I feel like I'm gun shy. I'm scared because more and more I feel like I'm not sure what I want.
Opinions, questions, comments would be helpful right now. I'm just not sure anymore about anything.
Not sure it was the payoff I built it up to be, but then what movie ever is?
M:39 H:39 K:S14;D8 T:22yr M:15yrs S:12/28/07 EA/PA 3/14/08 OW preg 11/17/08 born 12/12/08 his ~~~~~~~ Never allow someone to be your priority while allowing yourself to be their option
I think it looks like positive actions in the right direction. It hasn't just been one or two things. Have you set out what he would need to do to come back? I am keeping my fingers crossed.
kat
Me-53(and learning!) S24, S21, D18, D17 Just keep swimming, Just keep swimming. Dory
I have told him a couple of things but since there has been nothing "final" yet, there have been no real expectations or plans made. We will have to see.
M:39 H:39 K:S14;D8 T:22yr M:15yrs S:12/28/07 EA/PA 3/14/08 OW preg 11/17/08 born 12/12/08 his ~~~~~~~ Never allow someone to be your priority while allowing yourself to be their option
It does appear as the "letting him go" has done wonders for you but also for him. You know if you love something set it free... I know fear kept me holding on but so did disbelief, hurt, anger but mostly our family. Now I just see it as my family. Sad but true.
I have a good feeling but won't get carried away either.
kat
Me-53(and learning!) S24, S21, D18, D17 Just keep swimming, Just keep swimming. Dory
Wait and see......it will help him build trust with you, and it will help you to move slowly in the right direction with small changes. The worst thing you could do is jump right back in right now. You sound like you have it all under control. If/when you ever get to the point where you decide to get back together, require absolute FULL transparency from him without him getting mad at you for it and any and everything you need, including him reading books, counseling, etc. EVERYTHING.
Corey, I'm so happy for you!!! Wdid is always so wise. I hope you are taking baby steps with this. Don't want you to get hurt, but I am glad it sounds like things are going so well. Karen
Thanks ladies. I'm hopeful but I will be sure to hedge my bets. I haven't changed my mind about 4/1 and I will do whatever is neccessary in order to move forward.
Slow is the ONLY way I can move with this right now. I agree completely. Complete transparency is a non-negotiable item, if he can't do that then there is nothing to talk about.
M:39 H:39 K:S14;D8 T:22yr M:15yrs S:12/28/07 EA/PA 3/14/08 OW preg 11/17/08 born 12/12/08 his ~~~~~~~ Never allow someone to be your priority while allowing yourself to be their option
