It sucks to be me!!! #58

[kat727]

I totally get the wanting to understand. I don't understand your C saying get over the past and the OW. My ex had an affair a few months after we got married. I was a flight attendant and gone an awful lot. Not the way to start a marriage but I didn't force him to cheat. The problem was, we never really dealt with it.

He said he was sorry, I was mad for a month and barely talked to him. Then I had a bad car accident and realized that I loved him and wanted to start my family and I stayed. However the issue never really was dealt with. And it happened again but you know this time it must be love or how else could he do the terrible things he has done.

Talking about her all the time does give her power, so I think there has to be an agreement reached where you can deal with the past in 30 minute increments once a day but no more and after x number of months it is put away. But the real key is he has to get rid of her and your H never did.

The R you had has to die. It was poisoned by past acts. Your H may never provide the answers you seek. I think you also need to remember what attracted you to your H to begin with. Was he passionate at one time? Did he have an adventurous side? Have you each looked at each other and faced the positives? Or has it only been about the destruction and the blame?

Sorry for writing so much. Your situation just makes me think that there may be something there yet.

kat