Just keep swimming...PH #5

[pearlharbr]

Thanks everyone. I'm so happy to hear Gucci advise not to respond to that email because I'm so disgusted with him that I don't want anything to do with him at this point.

WHATEVER!!

Unfortunately for my hair stylist I have an appointment today to fix last week's cut. It's partly her fault for giving me a bad cut and not listening to me say it's not right at the end of the appointment, thus setting the stage for a recut today. But I'm afraid I'm going to be a little harsher than I should be since I'm already annoyed. Fingers crossed I don't come home bald!

[JDOllie]

I think I originally said this:
"Before I will even consider having this discussion, I need to know from you that you have ended the relationship with her, completely, utterly, and permanently, and I need you to know that any further contact with her will immediately result in any sort of relationship between us ending permanently."

Why keep beating around the bush? In my view, you are giving him ammunition by not calling him on it.

If he lies, then you don't even have to think about it anymore.

[pearlharbr]

I hear what you're saying JD. Part of me just wants to spell it out for him and let him take it or leave it. But I did tell him on freedom day that I would be willing to work on anything and have him back in the house if he weren't having an affair. He's smart enough to know that ending things with OW is a prerequisite for coming back. If I have to spell it out for him I would feel like he's only doing what I ask and not doing it because he wants to. Not good enough.

[JDOllie]

I understand...

[Tawnya]

{{{Pearl}}} So do you still have hair? LOL

Tawnya

[pearlharbr]

Still have hair, whew! I didn't go off on her, just calmly said I hated the cut and pointed out what was wrong. I think they're willing to put up with more cranky customers because it's a pricey salon and I'm sure they've lost customers lately.

It's not as cute as I want, just can't figure out why I can't find a good stylist in this city! Looking forward to moving to SF for that reason alone!!

[pearlharbr]

I spent a cr@pload of money today, but got myself some new bedding. Now at least I'll feel like my bed isn't tainted. And I got a floral pattern, very girly!

I'm currently reading Not "Just Friends" but now I'm not sure I even want to finish it. I'm in the chapter that discusses choosing to stay or leave. Ironic.

[Purple]

I vote with Gucci.

He shouldn't have to be told (again) to end things with her (completely) in order for you to seriously reconsider reconciliation. In fact, him ending things with her should have nothing to do with your decision to take him back.

My h did something similar. I didn't consider taking him back till I knew things were over. Even then it has taken many months to get where I am now. I still backslide adn I still have trouble trusting but I am proud to say I had to think hard last night what her name was!

[silvagod]

Gucci,

I didn't intend to 'group' you guys together at all. I was merely referencing the fact that the pair of you offr excellent advice for rebuilding. Albeit from different viewpoints.

That's the only problem with type, there is no intonation and your words can be misinterpreted. Ah well. No harm done.

Pearl,

I have read that book twice, it does seem hard work when you have almost resigned to giving up, but it does show you how dangerous friendship can be in the wrong circumstances. I still have my copy and will keep it to refer to if ever I need.

[pearlharbr]

Thanks for your input Purple

I guess I just expected a bit more from him. He knows the A is a dealbreaker for me. It's hard to believe that he would feed me all this bs and expect me to come running back knowing he's still with her.

What I want to say is, "I don't date men who have girlfriends or wives."

But I won't.

How did you know it was over with your H & OW? Just curious. I know I would want proof but I also know there's always some way of hiding things. I don't think I can ever trust him again.