I need your advice again....I know why my H has been so distant lately....Apparently my D16 has been texting H and basically telling him what she thought...so not good I guess....she came to me today and asked if I've talked to H and I told her just a text about her grandfather....then she told me...H had not returned her text...she keeps saying he tells her people change...it's just what happens....she wants him to tell her what we did to him to make him leave....she is not going to get that answer and I told her that...I said dad is a different person now, not the person he once was....she wants him to say he was wrong that he made a mistake....I told her he did tell us he made a mistake, and she said, "then why is he still doing it"..that her sister got to do everything with him and her brother still gets to, and that she doesnt...I told her she can if she wants, but she says she doesnt want to...she feels weird around him now...she doesnt even feel like she has a dad...I started to cry...I told her I will never keep her from her father, i just cannot accept the OW...and I'm sorry I cant..
She left feeling bad and I feel bad...I told her the past is over, I cannot change the past...it's here we have to deal with what we have...
I told her if we didn't have dad, I wouldn't have them... that, yes, sometimes I still miss her dad but he is different now..and that I do still love him...its going to take time...that dad is taking care of us by giving me all of his money to take care of them...
I wish my children didnt have to go through this, I wish the world was different but I'm making it....one day at a time...
Do you think that's why he hasn't been in contact or even taken son for the evening?
Treese
H 49 M 45 D 23, D17, S12 M 25 T 31 01/07 OW H at my door w/proof Bomb ILYBINILWY 06/07 Sep 01/08 headed for the greener grass, Mar08.B#2H has child who is 9 11/08 pos.paternity
I hated that my kids went through that too. My D who is disabled went from a calm, cool, sweetie pie and started having these horrible outbursts, crying, screaming, etc. My S was like my H's best friend until my S let him have it and told him what he thought of him.
IMO, it sounds like your H is in the withdrawl stage. When he told your D that things change, people change is what my H told me so many times I wanted to throw up! Yes, they change,,,,they change into alien monsters that are so selfish. They don't even realise what is going on.
Let your D sound off to your H and get it off her chest. Who knows maybe something will sink in! LOL
YR....YES YES!!! My D16 and my H were so close...as she says, "we were the type of family who would never let anyone hurt anyone of us", an all for one kind of family.
Keep up with my thread cause I'm going to post what my daughter had written for an interview for a retreat....
H was just here dropping son off after baseball...can't believe he even picked him up...D16 and I were in the kitchen eating and H kind of stood in the hallway, so he couldn't see D16..how awkward was that...then he peeked in the kitchen and said hi to her, she never lifted her head but I think I heard a faint Hi....then she went to her room...H didnt say goodbye to her...it's got to be killing him....or I would hope it is...
Anyhow he left...we were texting about s11 and I asked him if I looked old, he said, "no, but I feel it"...I said, "so do I sometimes but pretty soon we'll be grandparents then we'll feel old", and he said, "doesnt she want to get a job first"...talking about D22...I said, "of course, I was just talking out loud, she is smart, takes after me, :)...he responed, "True".....that was the end of that...I let it go...
I feel good tonight...like I'm turning a corner...H looked at me in the eye several times....I see sadness in his eyes...and I feel sorry for him...he's missing so much...from a person who dedicated his life to his kids, he is missing out...but not my problem...
Anyhow, as always thanks for being my DB mom....love ya...Treese
Treese
H 49 M 45 D 23, D17, S12 M 25 T 31 01/07 OW H at my door w/proof Bomb ILYBINILWY 06/07 Sep 01/08 headed for the greener grass, Mar08.B#2H has child who is 9 11/08 pos.paternity
You will start to see sadness in their eyes and then they turn into aliens again with no feelings for anyone but themselves.
I too felt sorry for my H after a while. Before that I was telling myself he deserved every little bit of hardship. I guess after the disbelief, hurt and anger subsides we can really see what is going on. I used to just sit and watch my H when he would come over once he had made it through the withdrawl stage. He was changing and I knew that he was making steps to come home.
M41 H42 D17 Adopted N14 M22 T24 "Bomb" 4/07 Sep 8/07 Admitted OW 11/07(only to me) OW back 12/4/07 PA on off thru 7/08 says done w/OW but not coming home 8/08 D final 7/09 Moving on and up!!
How did I know that he was making steps home?? I began to see a softness in his eyes. He reconnected with all of the family including pets. He would mention that he would like to be here but he wasn't ready. He did say that he didn't know if he would ever be ready but we could take it slow and see.
He started comeing over more and more and staying longer. He started calling me all the time for little stupid stuff. You know having an excuse just to call.
Little things happen if you just sit back and watch without interferring. Just be the lighthouse....
YR....I don't really see my H ever being where your H was...he's so sure of what he's doing...and I believe him....I am at the point though that I'm not caring much...let him twirl in the wind...it will catch up eventually....and besides, he's been with his OW for 2 years now that I know of....they appear to be moving in the right direction....she's his green grass....LOL....
Of course, my D16, swears he's not happy....she doesn't care what he tells us....he can't even admit he's wrong....funny how a 16 YR OLD knows more than H....she just keeps saying, "it's not my dad, I don't know who he is"...
I'm watching, not talking R talk, saying anything like I miss him, etc....hard but I'm doing it..
OH, my H only goes as far as the foyer now...he used to come all the way in the house but now no further than the foyer....he's afraid...afraid he'll feel he's missing out...that's what I think anyway, and really I guess that's not worth much...
Last edited by Treese; 03/10/0902:15 PM.
Treese
H 49 M 45 D 23, D17, S12 M 25 T 31 01/07 OW H at my door w/proof Bomb ILYBINILWY 06/07 Sep 01/08 headed for the greener grass, Mar08.B#2H has child who is 9 11/08 pos.paternity
That's too funny....my H is doing the same right now...he doesnt sit at all...of course he doesn't come by much either...and when he does get S11 i just tell him I'll send him out...that he doesn't need to come in....I'm sure that has hit home too....
Oh well, His loss....I'm moving forward....going out more, and having a good time with my kids....Yikes...I have a wedding to plan....
Treese
H 49 M 45 D 23, D17, S12 M 25 T 31 01/07 OW H at my door w/proof Bomb ILYBINILWY 06/07 Sep 01/08 headed for the greener grass, Mar08.B#2H has child who is 9 11/08 pos.paternity
