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Ok girlfriend,

I'm gonna agree and disagree with the others right now. Yes he is still doing things that seem like he may want to be there. But he is also doing things that say he doesn't.

There comes a point, where you are going to have to stand up for yourself, even if you end up alone for a while, and say "if this is they way you are going to continue to treat me, then I am done". You do this for you. For you and your kids. It does not mean you are saying goodbye forever. You are showing him that his actions do have consequences and that you have enough love and respect for yourself to not allow him to mistreat you while he figures out what it is that he thinks he wants. He got himself into a situation that I'm pretty sure he did't want, wasn't looking for, didn't plan. But the result of that was a son who amazingly he cannot deny. Which I give him a lot of credit for. He tried for a long time to keep the secret, probably to protect you and the kids as well as himself. But since the reveal, he has been all over the map.

Honey, you have a lot on your plate right now. More than anyone should have at one time. IMO right now you have no choice but to focus on yourself right now. If it is what they say, it is not an immediate death sentence. You can still have a life and a good one but you have to remove stress and unhealthy habits. That is your responsibility right now, to do that for YOUR children. I don't think you will be able to do that and try to fight this unending confusing fight with him right now. I know you love him, I know you want him, but you also know what you have to do for you.

Be still if you must, but be still and see and hear what is going on around you and you will KNOW what you need to do. I think you already do, it just doesn't necessarily fit with what you want or what you should be able to have right now. LS is not slamming the door. It is taking a stand, it is telling him you are not a doormat and that is the bottom line. It says if you want to be with me, then you have to choose. If you don't do something, this behavior is going to continue indefinately and I know you don't want that either. Love you and you know I will support you whatever you do.


If you focus on the past, you ruin the future. You can only live for today.
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(((((BG)))))

Kel..... you said it so much better than I did!

BG, you have to take care of yourself now, and protect the kids. LS isn't the end. It could be the beginning. It might help him to see that things have to change.

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I did listen to the last two sermans, they are really good. Thank you for telling me!

how are you feeling today?


Me 33 H 34 S9 S3
M 6 yrs (2gether 11 yrs)
EA/PA 1/2006
DB 5/2006
H wants D 6/2006
H wants ME 8/2006
H "said" PA/EA over 8/2006
H erased OW off phone! 2/2007

"It is far better 2 choose humility & change oneself, than 2 wait in vain trying 2 chang someone else."
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Hey BG- Just wanted you to know I am thinking and praying for you. Step outside and enjoy the sun and weather. Just sit outside and soak it up.


Finding My Yellow Brick Road....
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BG I have to agree with Kel and Jeff. I understand the reluctance to file any sort of paperwork for fear that it will cause H to react in a negative way. I fought it and resisted it, but in the end it has given me the most peace. I didn't file LS because I wanted to, I did it because I had to in order to protect myself and my kids from the bad choices that were being made. With the LS and the settlement agreement in place I can sit back and see how things unfold and don't have to worry about whether or not hes going to decide to not pay me or whatever. With that in place, we are safeguarded and H can begin to feel the full affects of the choices he has made.

Originally Posted By: kelaaron

Be still if you must, but be still and see and hear what is going on around you and you will KNOW what you need to do. I think you already do, it just doesn't necessarily fit with what you want or what you should be able to have right now. LS is not slamming the door. It is taking a stand, it is telling him you are not a doormat and that is the bottom line. It says if you want to be with me, then you have to choose. If you don't do something, this behavior is going to continue indefinately and I know you don't want that either.


LS is not a D. It was the way for me to be still. It relieved a lot of stress for me and helped set some boundaries and ground rules. You have FAR more on your plate than I ever did, so at this point its more about you and your kids. The continued stress of his indecision can't be good for you and for me it was a way of taking back some of my power.

I'm here for you no matter what you choose, but I've done it and it was scary, but the end results have been beneficial for me and my kids.

Take care of yourself.


M:39
H:39
K:S14;D8
T:22yr
M:15yrs
S:12/28/07 EA/PA
3/14/08 OW preg
11/17/08 born
12/12/08 his
~~~~~~~
Never allow someone to be your priority while allowing yourself to be their option


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give me an update. I hope you got out, you really needed it.


Me 33 H 34 S9 S3
M 6 yrs (2gether 11 yrs)
EA/PA 1/2006
DB 5/2006
H wants D 6/2006
H wants ME 8/2006
H "said" PA/EA over 8/2006
H erased OW off phone! 2/2007

"It is far better 2 choose humility & change oneself, than 2 wait in vain trying 2 chang someone else."
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I hope you are doing well. I am rooting my hawks but also for A&M over Mizzu. Lets hope we pull off a great win!!

kat


Me-53(and learning!)
S24, S21, D18, D17
Just keep swimming, Just keep swimming. Dory
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Hey, [[[[[[[[[BG]]]]]]]]]!

Remember how annoyed we all were when your H wouldn't pursue the legal end of standing up for his parental rights with OW because he was so afraid of what "she" would do.....? Well, don't allow him to put you in that same position, sweetie!! ;\)

Go, Wonder Woman!!!!!!!


TJ

Me45,H49
D24,S18
M26,T28
Bomb 3/19/08
Sep 6/23/08
EA/PA with Secretary 2007-8
3/2009 H moved in w/OW2
7/2009 Let him go w/Love.
8/2009 Legally Sep'd
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oooh, SC, good point. I had forgotten all about that.

So baby, when ya gonna share about your fun evening? \:\) I'm so proud of you too


Me 33 H 34 S9 S3
M 6 yrs (2gether 11 yrs)
EA/PA 1/2006
DB 5/2006
H wants D 6/2006
H wants ME 8/2006
H "said" PA/EA over 8/2006
H erased OW off phone! 2/2007

"It is far better 2 choose humility & change oneself, than 2 wait in vain trying 2 chang someone else."
Joined: Sep 2006
Posts: 13,424
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(((((((BG)))))))

Are you doing ok?

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