"Why does this always shock the wayward and the walkaway spouse? What kind of friend just ends their commitment to their friend, and walks away from them, and still expects them to BE their friend?
I'll never, ever get that.
Puppy"
"It just points to the fact.. we all are just confused." I get her confusion...I caused it. She never expected this past year...maybe never expected me to hang on so long and become her best friend. That's not the man she knew all those years....she said as much the other night...we were never best friends.
I have always maintained that I know my wife better than she could imagine, or ever admit. Through our marriage, I always thought that she never really took the time to get to know me...and came to realize this past year, that was my fault.
Is that what happened this past year...she let herself...I allowed her..to get to know me?
"Is this the strangest stitch ever, or what??"
"Well one could say.. it depends on how you look at it." From many angles over this past year....I thought any way, until the other night...still think it's pretty strange. That was the first time in our lives together that she looked me in the eye and told me sincerely that she felt we were best friends.
We have talked a lot over these months..we have had great times..we talked about being "friends"..remaining friends.
The other night she talked about her best friend that moved to Florida a few years ago...they remain very close..she and my D are going down for 2 weeks this summer for her D's HS graduation.
She said all through our marriage XXXX was her best friend..maybe my only friend...now it's me. She has the new best friend and my SIL...she calls them her best friends, but said it's different with me.
I'm sorry...I am stuck on this...maybe she thought it would make me feel better..make it easier for me. It just makes it harder.
"Here is the hard question.
Are you "better" now.. than what you once were?
Think about that." Probably not...some times maybe..or at least I would like to think so, but probably not.
Better person..yes, but still a ways to go...better husband..yes, but apparently not good enough. Guess I must be a better friend, right?
Better me...for myself? Not by a long shot.
"Life has shown you what to do..
Is that what you want?
Look at what you wrote.. and think about what she wants.
F... what you want." Not sure I see yet what life has shown me...guess I am still too close? I suppose I have always made this about what I want and maybe that's the problem? I have never really said "F..what I want"?
"I am beginning to hate this place.
Yet at the same time.. I still want to fight." I feel that...I am tired of fighting, but don't want to stop...maybe just a little break...somebody ring the round bell.
"she fell asleep in my arms."
Seems like you got something right.
Imagine that. ...and again last night...imagine that.
