Retrouvaille saved me - AN #3

[AnotherNightmare]

Thank you 25yearsmlc for your insightful comments. While MLC and HS reunion may have played a role during the last few months, I am pretty sure that the only thing they impacted was the timing of all of this. I am almost sure it would have happened this way no matter what. Unless my W threatened very credibly to D me, I am not sure anything would have registered with me. It is sad to recognize that, but I believe without being brutally honest with myself I will not be able to heal.

The last four days have been a roller coaster. Friday night we had some light discussion that turned into something big. I had made a comment how I wanted to change our master bathroom, which she responded to by saying "I do not really care about your plans. I want to go back to Germany in the summer." So we exchanged a few harsher words (I could still kick myself in the behind for taking the bait again) and there were three days of a cold wall between us. Even our third post-session on Sunday did not repair this one.

So last night I finally decided I had to do something about this. When I took my S8 to basketball practice, I had one hour to kill and to figure out how to make an attempt to repair this. When I came home, my S8 still had to finish his homework before we put both kids to bed. I ended up in bed first and when she came, I started my apology:

"You remember the book you gave me at the beginning of our M about teddy bears being the better husbands."

She looked at me a little puzzled not knowing where I was going with this. So I continued:

"I want to apologize for my behavior during the last few days. It was wrong to get upset and did not show any compassion. So I want to give a guy you can turn to when I am not a good husband."

With that I gave her a little teddy bear that I had gotten from Hallmark. She smiled and we started talking for a while. All of a sudden, she grabbed my hand and pulls me over. We started hugging and kissing and ended up ML for first time since October.

She joked a lot after that. At the beginning, she often used to ask me what I was thinking. I had told her recently that I was panicking when she asked me that. I did not know what she wanted to hear. Of course, she asked me again and started to laugh "are you panicking now?"

I kissed her goodnight after midnight and gave her a kiss this morning. We have hugged a few times this morning, and everything seems changed.

The most important thing for me right now to continue my way. I must not relax and think everything is OK. There is still so much to do, still so much I need to work on. But getting this first truly positive reaction from my W is a great motivator. And I hope it is great motivator to everybody else on this BB and helps them believe that everything is possible.

AN