I want you to think long and hard and carefully before you do anything. Some people here are into "outing" the A, some people are not. I sort of ride the fence on it. What good is it going to do you to tell her husband? He could throw her out which will make it easier for the two of them. Another person will be hurting in all of this.
Additionally, calling her or her work will only make you feel better and cause a whole bunch of problems that you really don't want.
Puppy is right as usual. You need to calm down. I understand the time difference and you are up while the rest of us are sleeping so you sit waiting for something. I'm glad you are going to counseling tonight, whether he shows or not.
Unless I somehow missed it, which is possible, HOW did you find out about this? What did he say about it? What does he want to do now? Is she going to D her H and be with yours? This is all very important information.
As far as contact with him, you are so ANGRY and you already know that is not the way to handle anything. Plus you have NO IDEA what you want or really how you feel about this right now. These are things you need to figure out. Not what he wants. You know, he could want to save the M but unless you do as well, it won't work. And you don't know if you want to right now. So you have to take some time and think. Just be still. Breathe. Sleep. Cry, scream, vent but don't try to FIX anything right now. You can't do it in the state you are in anyway.
If you focus on the past, you ruin the future. You can only live for today.
