LBS need help and support #2

[faithisbelieving]

...and it's what we all say from the get go. Let go and grieve.

The key, as above, is that there is NOTHING you can do or say to change THEM. The ONLY chance is by saving YOU. You cannot do this by hangin onto THEM and expending massive amounts of energy trying to stop an applecart without a horse from rolling downhill.

Step aside and let it go.

song...it's a terrible thing to lose the person that we promised our life to. If you are like me, you probably talked about laying your weary bones down next to her. You envisioned a future and getting gray and old together.

It hurts to see that dashed to bits. But..it's even more painful to hold on, grovel, beg and plead when the other person just doesn't see it as you do. That...that..is the hardest thing to do. To look at an old wedding or family photo on the wall...and ...well..it's incomprehensible to us how that is NOT there anymore. We are still in the moment...still in the photo...still in the marriage. They, sadly, are not.

We can't impose our integrity...compassion...love...commitment...ONTO THEM. They must do this themselves.

One of the earliest quotes I had on my thread from nearly 3 years ago was a quote from a priest. I don't recall who posted it on my thread..or..if it is still here in one of the forums, but, it states that we don't beg, plead, cry, etc...to get them to marry us, so, why do we do it when they decide to leave???

I am NOT a counselor song...nor am I psychologist.....nor a social worker. I am....man, like you, who is facing the loss of his spouse and the loss of 50% of his time with his kids. What I can tell you is the basics:
-you can't change her
-you can't talk sense into her
-you can't control her

Song...turn away from 'the struggle' and turn towards you and the kids. If there was something you didn't like about yourself, or, if there was a weakness in the marriage that shouldn't be have been...or...some behavior that was less than 'alpha male', then...change it and grow.

As men, we all get 'clarity' when we use, as we say in the field of medicine, our retrospectoscope. We lived and effected our marriages with the tools we had at the time. This, my friend, is a lesson in life, not a failure.

Forgive yourself...grow...

FIB