Hi Sweetie. Well, I could just shake her till her teeth rattled! You have workded so hard and done everything a person could expect from a H. Maybe it is time to play hardball with her. You can't live your life wondering how long it will be until she finds another guy attractive and starts an EA with him. And......you don't want to keep on until your self-esteem has hit rock bottom b/c it is so important to have a very high self-esteem right now. To show enough confidence that tells her and the rest of the world that you would the greatest catch for any woman out there!
I can understand you wanting to pack a bag and get out of there for a while b/c I would be just like you. I admire you for staying for the child's sake. But let me ask a hard question, Lan, what do you think it would take to really "shock" her into growing up and stop this flirtation with other men? Do you think that if she thought she had lost you that it would make her stop once and for all? I am not making any suggestions, I am only asking questions? It seems that you have had to put forth the work in the M and I'm wondering what it would take to make her decide that she would do anything to keep you. She needs to get off her butt and put forth some of that hard work too.
Puppy Dog Tails would tell you to draw your boundaries and then confront her and tell her what you know (and be sure that you have proof of what she is doing)and that tell her what YOU cannot tollerate. Tell her that you don't know how much longer YOU can live under those conditions. But, be prepared to leave if it comes to that. B/c it is like drawing a line in the sand and telling her not to step over that line or you will leave. It is something to think seriously about and all the consequenses of it.
After all this time, if she is involved with another man again, then she needs to be called out on it, confronted about it and tough loved used with her. You can stay in the house for the sake of the child, but you can have a life for you and the child and just leave her out of it if it comes to that. I know that is not what you want, but you may have to consider that option or either someting more drastic. It would be hard to drop the rope while living under the same roof, but I think it could be done if you are strong enough. You have to try something to make her realize that she cannot continue to carry on like this. It is not appropriate for a M woman! It is way past time for her to grow up.
Well, I have mostly blowed off steam b/c I don't like seeing you mistreated like this. Whatever you decide, Lan, I will try to support you. You've been around a long time working hard on this M.
Take care, Sandi2
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
