The Flames are Still Rising....

[blindsided1]

Okay...FG, SO2, ST... I need some 2 X 4's. I can't stop looking at HIS FB page. It doesn't make me upset, so much. I just want to let it go. So, please bring the 2X4's on. It's stupid. All his "friends" are her family....they're totally oblivious...whatever. Wait!!!! Stopping myself from travelling down the road of pain. I think I am doing better. But, some days....I just fish. Fishing SUCKS.

I texted him tonight to remind him that day care is due Friday. Didn't require a response. Just a reminder and a thank you..Goodnight. Obviously, I didn't get a response. But, I'm FINE with it. Wow, is that growth? Is it growth that I don't really miss him? Part of me feels scared, part feel sad, part feels stressed, part is unhappy. WTF? I suppose this is normal, right? I am hoping that I am getting OVER HIM. But, part of me is still hoping that there is hope...what a mental conflict....but, if I can lose my love for him an get over this...my life can only get better, right? Someone...anyone...tell me this is good. Because I am second guessing...FG!!!!! help me.

[S.T. _I Made It!]

of course your life will get better. But you do have to move on, no matter if he comes back or not. You can't just hang yourself in midair. If he follows you, then yea! thank the Lord, but you can't drag him with you, so just keep moving forward.

How can it be a good idea to allow your 8 month old to cry to the point of possible hyperventalation?

you know, I know some good people, that actually let their kids cry quite a long time. it's that cry-it-out method, or whatever it is, so some people think it's just training their kid to sleep when they want them too. I actually have a study done in Harvard about how people who were taught to cry-it-out when they were babies actually had harder times dealing with stress and coping with stress. Kinda interesting huh. I mean, when you let a child cry, and you don't reassure them with your pressence that you will always be there for them, they just learn that you won't be there. When a child is always reassured, it gives them confidence. If you'd like, I can give you a copy of it to show him, but not sure if he'd take it seriously or even read it. I think it's just 1 page.

[S.T. _I Made It!]

oh, and in my book, there is always hope. But, again, you need to move past your strong hold. You do better some days, but you need to be thinking in your mind that it is over. done. and it is.... I remember truly thinking that there was no way my H was coming back unless he got saved. I knew in my mind that I loved him, and that I would take him back, but I also knew God had someone for me, and I had no idea who it would be, but I knew my future had great hope because of what I had learned thru my sitch. Because we have learned, and only if we have learned, will our futures be greater. I know you have learned, but your still trying to keep yourself stuck. You can take that step, just have faith that God is going to provide you that husband and father that your family needs. (I would love for it to be H, but you have to move on like it won't be) I know it's weird to think this way, but it's really what being detached is about. Your detached enough from the R and the sitch that you would love for your H to come around, but you are okay if he doesnt, and you are going to have a great life with or without him, and you are okay with that.

I'm thinking, on your texts to him, your trying to make them too personal so that he will text back. for instance, you only needed to say, "fyi, daycare is due friday" and you could put thanks on there as well, as that is a nice thing to say, but when you add "goodnight", it is like you are asking for his response. and that in turn makes me think your hoping for one. Try not to do things where you'll be hoping for a response, because he will most likely disappoint you.

oh, and also, you really have to stop looking at his FB. The more you look, the more you will start thinking about the sitch, and that is the opposite of what you want.

you know what you should and shouldn't do.

[Startingover2]

I understand this baby thing is getting to you. I would have a very hard time too. Try and remember not to build this fantasy up in your head of what their life is like. You have no idea and most likely its not all that great.

Don't look at the FB, it does only hurt you...says the queen of drive by's I know what that temptation is like. I fight it everyday. But when I do driveby and OW's car is at his house I end up feeling much worse.

Agreed with ST on the texts. Keep them simple and business like. You know OW is probably reading them as well and sees that you are still hanging on. Once you back off and smile and hand your pathetic H over to her, she will realize she got the booby prize! He may not be as desirable to her if there is no competition.

Hang in there. If you want to come up here for the weekend just to get away you are more than welcome!!

[blindsided1]

I have to say it feels unnatural to detach. I understand that it is the best thing to do. But, it just doesn't feel "right". I am taking that leap of faith.....that I NEED to try this route and let things happen the way they were meant to happen. H and I have NO relationship. We barely speak to each other. When we see each other, it's brief and he usually "has to go" in a rush. I don't talk to him about K. I don't ask about his life. Basically, he doesn't exist...and this, is not by my choice. He doesn't want ANY kind of R with me, that has become painfully obvious.

[Startingover2]

You do need to detach. I do too. I find it easier to be like this though rather than the emotional bs. I do much better when he is distant and not around.

Your H is gearing up mentally for this baby and my feeling is he is overwhelmed with pressure. Give it awhile and I bet there will be some big changes.

[S.T. _I Made It!]

I definitely agree with SO2 about him feeling overwhelmed.

you can do this, I know it's weird, but you need to do it for you

[Forrest Gump]

"I have to say it feels unnatural to detach."

So are you implying that the life you are living now is "natural"?

"I understand that it is the best thing to do. But, it just doesn't feel "right"."

Again.. are you implying that you are doing the "right" thing now.

I have been in a very similar place with the FB thing. It comes down to wanting to do it (leave "it" (Read=crap) behind) because you know it is not the best thing for you. Not because someone tells you to do it. It comes down to that choice of what is best for you.

I have seen pictures of "her".

I have gotten phone calls. One that woke me up at 4am.

I have heard it all and seen it all (I saw it when I followed her)

Once I said.. enough. Guess what?? It stopped. Not right away but it was a very fast decline. I got better.. I could eat.. I could sleep. I could go to work. I could go out and have fun. I could enjoy my kids. I could enjoy my "family" (Mom, Dad, etc)

It was a choice I made to not involve myself in things that I could avoid. If you look at it that way.. do you think you are creating "drama"? It never fails.. and one of the biggest things I "see" here (DB.com) is people fighting themselves.. and not wanting to change that.

"He doesn't want ANY kind of R with me, that has become painfully obvious."

Yet your "fight" is still there. If I have told you once.. I have told you a million times.. you need to get Blindsided1 on solid ground and thinking clearly.. before you can ever "try" to "reconcile". I know that's what you want. And it is always a possibility. I will assure you though.. it will never happen if you keep on like you are. In the end.. it is gonna leave you bitter and hurt. I don't want to "see" that.

Keep your head up.

And Always..

[S.T. _I Made It!]

good words Forest.

[blindsided1]

Yes, good words FG...all of you. I have been really good about the FB thing. I don't look...haven't for a couple days. Thought about it, but stopped. I don't text him....even when I don't hear from him for days on end. I used to. Not anymore.

I fear that I am becoming bitter. Not so much because he left me...but, because he completely left my life and doesn't want any part of me anymore. This hurts because I don't feel like I did anything to deserve it.

As far as solid ground...I was telling someone yesterday that lately...I have felt better about myself, more confident and more attractive than I did even before H and I got M.

I know he's gearing up for the baby. That's why I am staying faaaarrrrr away.