It's Not Like on T.V.

[DrHemlock]

Oh I called her on it. Come hell or high water, I was calling her on it. I'm literally sitting there in my desk chair, facing her full on, grasping the daylight out of my DB notebook -- fat lot of good it did me -- and told her in no uncertain terms that I know she denies there's anything going on, but she knows I suspect with good reason that she's lying. Then ran the table -- sudden email accounts, facebooking, blackberry, new clothes, the whole kit 'n' kaboodle. And after an OUTSTANDING amount of backsliding -- I mean, Gold Medal Olympic Backsliding -- I spoke my piece.

Well, good thing we've got MC on Thursday. Session # 2. Ideally not Session # Last.

[Puppy Dog Tails]

Hemlock,

Try to resist the urge to run down the whole list for her. Just say things like "WE both know that's not true," or "Stop it -- we both know you're lying right now; it's very disrespectful" and leave it at that.

Don't raise your voice, don't get "into it" with her. Just enforce your boundaries, and move on.

I'm glad you said something to her. At some, deep level, I honestly think she is too.

Puppy

[DrHemlock]

You're right about that, Puppy. You're right about that.

And today, of course, I've got Backsliding Hangover.

Still, I made it clear -- I consider EA infidelity. Full stop.

Back on the DB hobby horse. If ain't too late.

[Puppy Dog Tails]

It's never too late. You can't CONTROL them, but it's never too late.

[DrHemlock]

Bad today. Lots of down moments. But I made an appointment with a DB Coach tomorrow, prep for Thursday -- MC #2.

She pities me. That was today's message. How pitiful that I think anything is going to change.

Good thing there's 2 kids in the house - because that snappy Scotsman with the top hat and walking stick in the cabinet is calling me name....

[pollyanna]

Puppy dog tails some advice please !

- I had an A 4 yrs ago
- Stopped immediately it was discovered.
- lied about it for while
- Told truth
- H moved in and out of house
- H moved out to new apartment mid 2008
- H has OW immediately - not sure of extent of involvement or ommitment
- I have never questioned this OW
- H does horrible things to this family in throwing this OW in our faces and home and lives. His kids ahve called him out. i have not.
- H is slowly squeezing me financially as he dismantles assets.
- Although nothing to major , he has started and i will block it.
- Says he may come home eventually
- Do I sit and wait and see what he does next.
- Do I start proceedings myself
- Have i missed a step in not confronting
- I have not been angry in 3 years which is 180 for me.
- i am so confused
- i have been almost pitch black since xmas

sorry to hi - jack just needed puppy advise


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[list]
[*]null

[Thinker]

I got pity too - I think we all do at one point.

At the beginning (while the EA was still hot) I got "I feel sad and sorry that you won't be able to find someone as easily as I "would". Now I know where that was coming from, but at the time...

Stay strong. Respect yourself, even if she does not right now.

[Puppy Dog Tails]

Pollyanna,

I would have to have more information and context to be able to answer you adequately. I'll try to stop by your thread when I get a moment.

Puppy

[DrHemlock]

I don't mind hijacking; we're all in this together. Sometimes the best stuff you see is stuff that has nothing to do with "your" thread.

But on "my" thread, I pose the following quandry:

She has declared "it's over." No more MC. No more delaying tactics. Moving ahead.

What is my move? Do I calmly and quietly tell her to leave the house? I don't want to live with my wife who is dating.

[Puppy Dog Tails]

In my opinion, yes.

Puppy