Vdad is confused!

[Vdad]

Okie Dokie,

Most of you who have been here awhile are familiar with my situation. Quick summary:

1. I broke my wife's heart last year when I had an EA with HS GF. She tried to fight for our marriage but I was in fog, severley depressed, and continued to be an angry jerk. treated her badly, horribly.

2. She finally reached her breaking point and asked for D. I woke up and realized I was losing the woman I truley loved, everything.
3. I did everything wrong, didn't know about DBing, ect. ect.
4. She had EA with HS BF. I broke it up. It's over now.
5. We separated. She began new "friendships" with various OM. This was a boundary for me and confronted again.
6. She now insists on D.

What I am confused about now is how to handle where I am at now. It has become obvious that going too dark only makes the situation worse. Obviously, I have come to understand that I have no control over this. I have learned to detach from the "friendships" she is developing.

We had a very honest conversation today and here are the highlights:

She shared with me today that I broke her heart. I knew this already but this is the first time she has verbalized it. She has been very matter of fact up until now. I told her that I loved her with everything that I am and I just wanted her (this is not good DBing I know but seemed the appropriate thing to say today). She told me that I said just the opposite when I was in EA . I said I know and that I know that I had caused the start of the breakdown of our marriage. I will always regret that decision regardless of the screwed up state I was in at the time, there were other choices I could have made.

She said there is no going back to the marriage. I told her I could understand that and if the old marriage had to die and something new in time could be between us I would be open to that. I hope it won't come to that (in my mind) but trying to get right with it possibly happening. She went on to tell me she will never trust a man again. I validated her and said I hope that it isn't permanent for her own sake regardless of what happens between us. She said I wouldn't want her with where she is at right now. I just listened to that one.

Basically I need some advice on where to go from here. We ended in a much more positive place than we have been. It seems like we are headed towards D. My old patterns were to withdraw. Going too dark may not be the best path. We have 50% time with the kids. We need each other financially right now. Obviously the "believe none of what you hear and 50% of what you see" rule should probably be my mantra.

I guess I need you all again to help me find the right path and some insight from those who have been in similiar situations to mine... Sorry for the long post but I needed to set the stage properly.

V