"I am an idiot. How do stop myself from getting over anxious and "pushing"? "

Make the choice not to do this. To a point make it seem like you do not care to live there.

"I am an idiot."

No.. no you are not.

"I need help reigning myself in so that I stop being my own worst enemy."

What would you "reign" in.. if you could?

Relax
Eat
Think
Act normal
React.. Smartly.
Do something different.
Emulate.
Do Work.

Lets get "RETARDED" in here.